Change needs time..

“He is too sharp..” “he cuts like knife..”” it’s because of you that he is like this…” “Children learn from parents so the cause is you..”” what’s the use of his brain he is going to die alone” “you will struggle when he grows up because you are making him rude..”

I have been hearing these for a very long time after becoming a parent.. I have felt the burden of guilt too heavy to even see any hope for myself in life.. I hardly get into groups, being an introvert myself I have struggled to talk to people.. I prefer communication by writing or messages than a direct one on one talk.. I don’t know diplomacy.. the guilty feeling that I wasn’t being a good example being cause for ruining my child was killing me.. I tried my best but no one belives me.. every time I hear a remark I feel more heavy.. I feel like a looser.. a failure.. I stick to my art – my world my saviour.. the rhythmic motion of my machine feels like a lullaby..as my machine sews puting together ripped useless scraps to form something beautiful, unique and soothing I feel I can.. I regain the bits of me scattered around and put them back but in a different format.. I rework my thoughts.. my processes..

I start again with my ritual of pretend play.. bringing his attention to what soothed him a situation or in a conversation.. reinforcing positive affirmations daily night.. that family cuddling to tell him and me that whatever it be we are there for each other..

And today I saw a ray of hope again.. he was engaged in an online group conversation with his class mates over making a presentation.. he very consciously helped his friends improve on their ideas.. he appreciated them as he led them.. he made sure it was a group effort and not just his.. his voice though loud as usual was having a different tone.. it had reassurance, kindness and was slow paced.. he wasn’t talking hurriedly but thinking and talking.. they finished their work on time..I was noticing all this while hand sewing in another room..

Yes I am their mother and first teacher.. my instincts don’t give up easily.. though my hands are working I notice these changes in my kid silently.. I appreciated him gently in front of the younger one as she needs to see these examples.. I need not start all over from scratch with her.. and yes I shed a few tears of happiness silently.. he will not die alone as predicted by some.. that’s more than enough for me.. when he is an adult people may not know about the metamorphosis but I know it took time, effort, patience, belief and love..

The family konjal!

Whatever happens.. however it happens.. it doesn’t matter.. at the end of the day before saying the night Slokas we do family konjal! I.e we do family cuddling.. (konjal is Tamil)

We decide to forgive and forget everything every night before bed.. all we try to remember is that we love each other beyond everything and will be beside each other inspite of everything..

It helps my gifted kids a lot to remove the burden of self blaming or inferiority complex or insecurity.. they know what ever they do we will still love them.. and we believe whatever we do they will learn to love us.. all of us are learning.. we are learning to parent and they are learning to live.. together we are learning life..

There are days when tears trickle down when we hug.. the day has been intense.. to know that you are still loved is calming.. to know you are still accepted is soothing.. to know you can be yourself is assuring..

It’s tough to let go and hug with whole heart but when we do we can see how much we need it more than them..

It also helps my kids see that in a family it is ok to hug or kiss and there is nothing wrong in showing your partner or parents your love without inhibitions … It’s great to express love.. it’s great to let go.. it’s great to remember to start afresh before you go to bed..

It gives more hope for tomorrow..

Teach your child to avoid toxic relationships and the fun of solitude too..

Let them know to enjoy both.. ( all pictures are my own)

As my son always had minimal friends he and me used to really try holding on to the few he had.. because I was told socialization is very important.. there was this kid few years older to mine.. my son found him to be interesting and this kid allowed him to play with him too.. so we held on to him.. I would get small gifts and make treats for him too.. slowly as their relationship progressed this child started verbally abusing.. when my child complained I told mine, “may be he was having a bad day just forget it” ,” step into his shoe and see”,” may be he is going through a rough patch” and yes his family was going through tough times.. but one day my child came home all dirty and with shoe sole marks on face.. I first washed him up and asked the extremely upset child but he would not tell me.. after a few hugs in silence he told me his friend had beaten him up but he also said ” amma may be he is going through tough times”.. red lights started showing up in my brain but I did not know how to handle it.. I thought through a lot and felt I was telling my child to live in a toxic situation just because he hardly had friends.. I took time to rehearse what I wanted to say and then spoke to my baby ,” see he may be going through a though time but that doesn’t give him any right to inflict damage on anyone.. he can’t transfer his anger on someone else.. just because he is the only friend you have it doesn’t mean you are not good.. we can have loads of fun exploring things by ourselves too.. the next time he calls you to play I give the choice to go or not to go.. but if you choose to go, the moment he starts behaving bad tell him you have work and come back.. don’t let him persuade you.. let him know you don’t approve of his behaviour.. play close by so that if you need help you can give a shout out to me.. got it?” I know he felt a lot safer and he did go to play after a few days but followed what I said.. and slowly I saw him wean off from that friendship as he realised he wasn’t happy in it.. he is learning with every friend.. he is learning to love solitude too.. #gifted #life #lifewithgifted

I look for the moon

#giftedkids #gifted #life #lifewithgifted

I always look for the moon as it help see the paths ahead.. in the lone clueless nights they show me the different paths ahead of me.. I get to choose what I want with slow well thought of decisions.. it is not like the sun.. it reflects what it has learnt from life.. the Sun throws too much of light everywhere causing mirage and confusion.. when I see the sun I get confused with the abundant options that I make hasty decisions not understanding that there is a mirage and not water on the path.. but the moon lets me take one step at a time.. it lets me process and mature before the next.. and I can’t blame the moon as decision was entirely mine…

Yes I am looking for more moons to show me more options in life.. if you think you have been in the road that I travel and want to be a moon, you are most welcome.. if you are looking for a moon we can look for it together..

I can be reached at lifewithgifted@gmail.com