I see myself in them

#lifewithgifted #giftedness #solitude #hobbies #mentalhealth #understanding

There are many aspects of me that I see in my kids.. after all I was one of their gene carriers.. but they are strong willed like their father and that showcases their abilities in a better way..

When I see them struggle with over thinking or when they struggle to move with their peers I see my struggles too.. when they visualise differently and no one understands them I see my own struggles.. when they have multiple interests that just transports them to a different world I see myself.. when they are good at so many things effortlessly but have no interest or intentions to build on all of that I see myself.. I see myself in their fears and tears..

I had struggled a lot as a child to mingle with others as I found very few points of contacts.. I love my own company and solitude… When I look back at what helped me walk through my difficult situations and accept myself, I see one big habit shinning like sun among the other stars.. hobbies

Whenever I wanted to retreat into my cocoon.. whenever I wanted to collect myself.. whenever I wanted to accept myself.. whenever I wanted to cry but couldn’t.. whenever I wanted to end it all.. whenever I felt unheard and unwanted.. whenever I found it difficult to explain myself.. my hobbies helped me explore all the dimensions and think and express better.. they gave me that place to replenish.. that space to feel better.. that place to just be myself.. that place to become invisible.. that place to get involved.. that place to rest and relax.. that place to feel some success and achievement of conquering something.. they helped feel worthy.. I don’t have one but multiple hobbies.. so I get to dwell in more therapeutic places..

As I see myself in my kids I help them build a lot of hobbies.. worlds that they can enjoy their own company in.. though we need to socialize, we need to love solitude too..

Giftedness comes in different packages

#lifewithgifted #giftedkids #overthinking #sensitiveness #fears #polesapart #communication #abilities

I made two leaves with the same colour pencils but they turned out to be very different from each other.. they had some things in common but looked so different.. pretty similar to my kids..

While everyone was able to see my older one was very distinct and different from others, it’s difficult to do see for my younger one.. she doesn’t express her capabilities outside easily.. while my older one easily talks to any stranger, he is an introvert when you get to know him on the long run.. my younger one though she hardly opens up to people till she is comfortable, she loves socializing .. my older one would cry for even a bug’s death, my younger one will happily disconnect anyone she feels is not up to her standards..

I thought I could identify a gifted child easily by my experiences with my older one and easily connect to the parents of those kids but my younger one gave me several surprises.. she shows me how different they can be.. she started speaking well before the age of one just like her brother and by two she was able to explain well to someone who asked her the difference between a river and beach.. her understanding was beautiful in many aspects.. her fine motor skills were amazing.. she was able to visualise and create structures and drawings that her age kids couldn’t understand..she is a great cook from the age of two but her school teachers have never experienced these.. they know her as a gentle, hesitant child who is easy to handle.. they call her the goat among the lions.. while at home she is the opposite.. she knows what she wants and is fully aware of what she does.. I asked her “why don’t you be like this at school?” She told me “there is a place for everything!” She makes her own decisions and stands by them even as a toddler.. she pulls up art videos and learns and brings out her own version of them.. she says ” I don’t have to copy when I know to create!” My older one is considered short tempered and arrogant but he is far more gentle..he just doesn’t know how to hold on and think and say..

My older one would confide everything in me but this lady is very secretive.. it takes a lot of effort to know what’s going on in her mind and even if she tells me I can’t be sure if I have got it all.. she is strong willed ..

While my older one is of the fermented food type my younger one is a fastfood type.. i.e older one loves to do everything at slow pace as if the world would wait for him.. the younger one doesn’t rest till she finishes what’s given as if the world is going to end..

Their fears are very different, they are overthinkers of different kind, they have some unique sensitivity of different kinds, their abilities to learn are very high but in different fields, their abilities to visualise are different, their ways of communication are different, their abilities to carry themselves are different, their abilities to socialize are different.. on the whole I have learnt that giftedness comes in different packages..

Part 3- Big B -the very reason to start the blog

#life #gifted #lifewithgifted #multitasking #genius #innovator #creator #pain #lifelessons #understanding #emotions

Learnings from his life..

When the child has high intelligence and capacity the child’s interests and attention is focused on the subject that they love.. everything else is trivial to the child.. if we can’t understand the intensity of the passion towards learning more we should atleast not give a negative energy..

1.be extremely forgiving as they need that trusted shoulder when they are up against a world that considers them a misfit..

2.be a guide and show them more outlets for the simmering emotions ..

3.throw several ropes from various areas of interests and they will catch hold of what they need and climb up by themselves..

4. Lower down your expectations

5. Developing a spiritual and friendly relationship with God is good for overall mental health.

6. Our education system doesn’t have enough variety to Carter to the variety of students.. the system and teachers need updation .. teachers have to know more about psychology of children and have to handle their needs appropriately

Part 2- Big B -the very reason to start the blog

(photos and artwork on my blog are my own)

#life #gifted #lifewithgifted #multitasking #genius #innovator #creator #pain #lifelessons #understanding #emotions

A post by him on social media years back just popped up on my page.. drew me into good and bad memories..

Big B was the big brother from another womb.. my neighbour in childhood.. he always amazed me with his abilities.. I would see him jaw dropped through the day.. he could fix phones to cars even as a kid in 1990s when computers were just making an entry into India.. he built an audio editing system from scratch at home as a teenager.. but his teachers did not find him interesting.. he was called a looser, mad kid and treated badly by teachers at school.. he had let all the emotions simmer inside without telling his parents’ too.. he was kicked out of a prestigious school and it impacted his mental health.. the pressure was building without anyone’s knowledge..he was home schooled but he was still a difficult kid to handle for many.. I never understood why but now I know why.. with many struggles and limited friends he completed his 12 the grade.. but he was already an inventor by then.. he was an extremely caring neighbour and brother to me and my brother who were mostly alone when my parents went out to work.. he introduced me to books.. he would help me with my projects that involved computers.. he would always keep a watch on us.. he was leading the graphics team of a famous media company and did graphics for TV and films.. his abilities were recognised and he went on to study in the USA.. great names came calling but his health had taken a beating.. He came back home when he knew that he was suffering from an auto immunity disorder with no cure and had just 5 more years to live though he was just in his 20s.. even with health issues he went on to innovate with his trade mark smile and wit.. he bet his odds both mentally and physically to live for 7 more years.. I was not aware of the magnitude of his illness and we were continuing our friendship on social media.. when I had my second child he wanted to meet me.. but good things come to an end and his life ended prematurely.. I feel guilty to this day for not meeting him before he died..

His life had a lesson for everyone involved in it.. the world understands those with average and below average IQ better than those with high IQs.. do we give the intellectually superior the needed understanding? How many times we have branded them as egoistic and proud? Are we as a society accomodating them ? Or are we expecting them to accomodate themselves to us from the beginning? Are we understanding them emotionally?

I think I can pay back to him only if I bring up my kids, understanding the critical aspects than the popular aspects.. whenever my older one shows me little inventions of his, I am reminded of only one face.. when ever I see him struggle emotionally because the society doesn’t understand I get the very same memories.. I will share the lessons from his life with everyone.. because people like these can make the world a better place if only we accept and understand them..

Part 1- Big B -the very reason to start the blog

#gifted #genius #life #lifewithgifted #highIQ #inventor #creator #multitasking

He ran multiple businesses including short film making, collaborating with dancers to create A/V storytelling, vendor for audio and visual equipments ( wholesaler for LG audio video products), sole vendor / servicer for battery cars (client TCS), Chennai cultural academy secretary, Founder of gurudhawani ( organization to teach performing arts over internet, started planning activities for constructing a world class auditorium cum shopping complex that will sustain itself and nurture artist with the proceeds from activities of the complex itself.. to name a few.. He came with innovative ideas to solve problems that faced him until his death bed.. for his shoot when he needed a railed platform, instead of spending lakhs of rupees to get the platform from market created one himself with garden hose, skater wheels and wooden plank. When a huge corporation (tcs) spent crores of rupees to construct a stadium in their premise they found out that acoustically the arena was very bad and could not hold events.. professional architects and sound engineers proposed repairs for another crore + money.. he instead suspended the speakers on kevlar threads from the truss above to the right spot to get rid of the echoes.. cost was few thousands..

He founded a company in NY with his brother… created lifestyle products which are revolutionary even in todays standards.. many of them yet to come to market even by the like of Apple (on his digital distribution of digitised products), mattel to y maker (for his innovation of bringing video game like activity to the physical world for kids), water fountain installations that will give 3d reproduction of anybody’s face when they look at the camera using water fountain.. the list goes on and all before he was even 35.. his friends used to call him Einstein..

But what happened to such an innovator, creator and an exemplary embodiment of genius ? Read in the next part..

Rights and responsibilities- sex education

With fun rights comes responsibility (pictures are my own)

After reading a news paper article by a female journalist stating that men have failed women over a recent controversy, my 10 year old was very angry.. He said ” can’t she see there are good men.. how can she say that with the example of few bad ones?” I know that he knows more about mating through the animal encyclopaedias that he reads.. I have had several curious questions about it often.. I realised if I don’t give the clear guidance in this stage he may get misguided by someone else.. I thought over how to make him understand in his own terms.. and nature provided a beautiful opportunity.. He was watching a series on some animal channel about a bear’s life.. the muma bear was struggling to raise the cubs all by herself.. she could not go out to find food often and she was still nursing the cubs.. her weight was going down drastically.. when she and her cubs started venturing out of the cave the male bears would often try to mate and she chased off most of them.. but one day a male was too powerful and threatened to kill her cubs.. so to save her cubs she had to succumb.. he did not like it one bit.. he started saying ” amma this is not fair.. the male is not going to help her but wants to mate and let her take the responsibility of taking forward his genes.. ” I just grabbed the opportunity.. I asked him “which mating is better this or the male bird getting the nest ready and taking care of the mother and chicks?” He instantly said the birds way.. then I went on, ” in humans too both kind of mating happen.. when something like the bear’s kind happens then automatically the females feel someone could have helped.. when others don’t help then they feel angry.. no male bear takes responsibility or stops what happens.. it’s like isolation and forced and is disrespectful ..but like in the birds if both parents are ready to take responsibility then that is guilt free and better and there is mutual respect.. the babies grow happily and the parents are also happy.” I could see he got the point.. my mom had not encountered such situations so I have to find my own ways.. and curiosity is excess it better be guided in the right path..

Teach your child to avoid toxic relationships and the fun of solitude too..

Let them know to enjoy both.. ( all pictures are my own)

As my son always had minimal friends he and me used to really try holding on to the few he had.. because I was told socialization is very important.. there was this kid few years older to mine.. my son found him to be interesting and this kid allowed him to play with him too.. so we held on to him.. I would get small gifts and make treats for him too.. slowly as their relationship progressed this child started verbally abusing.. when my child complained I told mine, “may be he was having a bad day just forget it” ,” step into his shoe and see”,” may be he is going through a rough patch” and yes his family was going through tough times.. but one day my child came home all dirty and with shoe sole marks on face.. I first washed him up and asked the extremely upset child but he would not tell me.. after a few hugs in silence he told me his friend had beaten him up but he also said ” amma may be he is going through tough times”.. red lights started showing up in my brain but I did not know how to handle it.. I thought through a lot and felt I was telling my child to live in a toxic situation just because he hardly had friends.. I took time to rehearse what I wanted to say and then spoke to my baby ,” see he may be going through a though time but that doesn’t give him any right to inflict damage on anyone.. he can’t transfer his anger on someone else.. just because he is the only friend you have it doesn’t mean you are not good.. we can have loads of fun exploring things by ourselves too.. the next time he calls you to play I give the choice to go or not to go.. but if you choose to go, the moment he starts behaving bad tell him you have work and come back.. don’t let him persuade you.. let him know you don’t approve of his behaviour.. play close by so that if you need help you can give a shout out to me.. got it?” I know he felt a lot safer and he did go to play after a few days but followed what I said.. and slowly I saw him wean off from that friendship as he realised he wasn’t happy in it.. he is learning with every friend.. he is learning to love solitude too.. #gifted #life #lifewithgifted

How did I realise my first one my was way ahead of his age?

#giftedkids #gifted #life #lifewithgifted #highIQ

(Pictures are my own contact me for any issues with the pictures)

For every mother her kids as special and precious.. there is a saying in Tamil “kaakai ku than kunju pon kunju” – for a crow her kids are golden chicks.. Many a times I had brushed aside my observations of my first chick saying this but the traits stared glaringly.. by 4 months of age he used to respond to anything that I said no to by giggling and doing it.. he really had fun doing them.. he responded to his father’s absence during his travels by licking his photos even at 5 months.. by 7 months he could repeat few words randomly when people uttered them during conversations.. by 9 months he could say several words identifying objects or his needs like water etc. But he sat at 9 months only and walked at 13 months.. but he could say words like ‘ Chimpanzi’ ‘orangutan’ clearly by 13 months.. not just clear enough for his mom to understand but even for an absolute stranger to understand.. I have got odd stares at grocery stores when a tiny baby was talking clearly using bigger words.. by 18 months he could talk grammatically proper sentences with adults.. if he couldn’t say a word clearly then he would go and sit in a corner and practice it till he got it right.. he would proceed to play only after that.. I would put a lot of books in front of him to choose and he always kept aside the alphabet books.. animal books were his first choice.. so he didn’t learn alphabets till 3.5 years though many kids learn it much earlier.. but he would ask me to read out encyclopaedias when at book stores.. he understood them and would ask doubts too.. his pre school teachers found him very different too.. the very first day the English teacher came searching for me to ask how his English is so good.. I was advised to reduce book time and make him play a lot with his age group.. which was very difficult as no kid understood what he spoke.. he prefered the bigger kids but they considered him too tiny to be part of their groups.. I knew my kid was different in many aspects but I had to prove it to others to clear up many things.. I wasn’t forcing him to learn.. he chose what he wanted to learn.. his curiosity literally killed him.. he has had surgeries and hospitalizations because of it despite me being vigilant.. so when the school counselor advised an IQ test I went ahead.. many understood what I way trying to say only after that.. but many did not understand what it is to deal with a gifted child..

I look for the moon

#giftedkids #gifted #life #lifewithgifted

I always look for the moon as it help see the paths ahead.. in the lone clueless nights they show me the different paths ahead of me.. I get to choose what I want with slow well thought of decisions.. it is not like the sun.. it reflects what it has learnt from life.. the Sun throws too much of light everywhere causing mirage and confusion.. when I see the sun I get confused with the abundant options that I make hasty decisions not understanding that there is a mirage and not water on the path.. but the moon lets me take one step at a time.. it lets me process and mature before the next.. and I can’t blame the moon as decision was entirely mine…

Yes I am looking for more moons to show me more options in life.. if you think you have been in the road that I travel and want to be a moon, you are most welcome.. if you are looking for a moon we can look for it together..

I can be reached at lifewithgifted@gmail.com

Indecisiveness and decisions..

I am just building my fortress not knowing how it will turn out

#giftedkids #gifted #life #lifewithgifted #highIQ

There are many a times I have to struggle with decisions.. and later look back at them and think ‘why did I make this decision?’ with very little knowledge about future and what will work for my kids I just have to rely on my instinct.. I weigh the pros and cons and think about will I be able to handle the consequences of my decisions for my kids as they are too young to decide? No I don’t find support to my decisions easily as they don’t understand what is it to have gifted kids.. I write down the events that led to the decisions so that I can refer back when I doubt my decisions.. I constantly remind myself that I have to keep my options and mind open to make changes or scrap a decision when things don’t work out.. I try to see if my kids are happy at the end of the day.. if my decision has helped them in the long run.. I try to weigh the other factors less.. my decisions may not be popular and easier but I hold responsibility for it.. I tell myself often that what worked for one may not work for the other… Writing down helps me refocus.. and when my kids grow up they will get to read what situations led to some decisions..