Expressions

My younger one would draw anywhere and everywhere.. though she loves seeing you tube videos of art works, she has her own way of expressing everything.. she loves to draw about herself.. like this picture.. it’s her self portrait of sorts.. I asked her to explain it to me and I was so amazed by the layers in the thought process.. here goes the explanation..

I always like being inside a flower.. looking at things around me from it.. the flower is sometimes very colourful, but sometimes not.. it has many things in it.. sometimes I want to close the petals and keep myself warm but sometimes I want to open it and feel bright and cool.. sometimes I feel like going out of the flower and walking in the garden if other flowers are interesting.. all the colours around are so interesting..

I learnt she sees everything as colours.. emotions, feelings,etc..

How she reacts to things around her makes a lot of sense now.. there is no one solution that fits all.. setting boundaries based on our understandings limits the possibilities.. because every brain, heart and mind works in zillion combinations to give so many ways of thinking, perceiving and understanding.. when spoken language tends to be a difficulty, there are so many unspoken languages to explore and express.. let’s not set rules and regulations for them too.. let them communicate better because everyone can’t communicate in the same way and every feeling can’t be communicated in the same way.. let all possibilities be open without pressure..

Comprehending may take time for them and us but the journey of parenting is a learning by itself.. so let us keep it an open blank book and have new messages in it custom made for us..

I took help when needed..

Having to struggle alone knowing that my kids are different had its consequences.. there was a lot of isolation that we faced and are facing .. I found it difficult, not knowing if what I was doing was right.. I was having enough of it all alone.. did not know what to do..One day I just decided to talk to the school counselor about it and that’s when things started changing.. it led me to the world of gifted.. I met a psychologist who dealt with gifted.. it was then I knew that there was someone to talk to.. she led me to other parents of gifted kids.. A woman I look up to told me once that ‘ when you dare to walk the path other women will walk along’.. and that’s what happened..

Not only did I get more company and hope but my child felt more accepted with people like him.. it gave him a sense of belonging.. I started to slowly hear everyone’s stories.. very similar to mine.. I got to see how other gifted kids were growing up to face challenges better.. how difficulties were being used as opportunities.. I started getting more confident about my instincts and methodology.. I can see similar changes in my child too.. he is more confident and is able to speak for himself better.. he is picking up the rope and climbing higher easily.. we can see we have more people who understand us and are helping us build ourselves.. there is constructive criticism too , to help us ..

The feeling that when we have a situation there are people to give inputs from their experiences, guide with resources and just to provide a shoulder for support, is in itself a great feeling.. it reduces pressure.. there are more women walking along my path in itself is very reassuring.. though other people’s perspectives of us hasn’t changed we are able to drive through the path better equipped.. I am happy that I took help when needed!

The art of fermentation!

I made the idli batter in the morning.. it is fermenting.. the smell is heavenly after almost 8 hrs.. if I let it ferment too much then it gets that sour smell and becomes a hard idli when I make one.. if I don’t wait for fermentation it’s not that fluffy, soft Idli.. The fermentation is an art.. not too much not too less.. just right.. some get it by instinct and some need to learn.. result is a soft, fluffy and healthy idli known for its amazing benefits…

The same goes with waiting for your opportunities too.. I learnt it by experience.. figuring out the right time to grab the opportunity is an art.. and I am trying to help my children learn it.. my older has no patience to wait while my younger one waits too much that she looses her opportunities.. showing the optimum state .. the Goldie locks period is a challenge.. citing examples.. analysing situations of past.. pretend play.. I am trying it all..

Why so much effort? Because because thinking once or twice before execution improves the process.. Because great ideas need the right time and right place to become useful inventions.. Because great things need time to become greater.. Because it reduces damages and wastage of time on mending things that could have been avoided.. Because you can compete with yourself and get better.. Because there is always a room for improvement..

Change needs time..

“He is too sharp..” “he cuts like knife..”” it’s because of you that he is like this…” “Children learn from parents so the cause is you..”” what’s the use of his brain he is going to die alone” “you will struggle when he grows up because you are making him rude..”

I have been hearing these for a very long time after becoming a parent.. I have felt the burden of guilt too heavy to even see any hope for myself in life.. I hardly get into groups, being an introvert myself I have struggled to talk to people.. I prefer communication by writing or messages than a direct one on one talk.. I don’t know diplomacy.. the guilty feeling that I wasn’t being a good example being cause for ruining my child was killing me.. I tried my best but no one belives me.. every time I hear a remark I feel more heavy.. I feel like a looser.. a failure.. I stick to my art – my world my saviour.. the rhythmic motion of my machine feels like a lullaby..as my machine sews puting together ripped useless scraps to form something beautiful, unique and soothing I feel I can.. I regain the bits of me scattered around and put them back but in a different format.. I rework my thoughts.. my processes..

I start again with my ritual of pretend play.. bringing his attention to what soothed him a situation or in a conversation.. reinforcing positive affirmations daily night.. that family cuddling to tell him and me that whatever it be we are there for each other..

And today I saw a ray of hope again.. he was engaged in an online group conversation with his class mates over making a presentation.. he very consciously helped his friends improve on their ideas.. he appreciated them as he led them.. he made sure it was a group effort and not just his.. his voice though loud as usual was having a different tone.. it had reassurance, kindness and was slow paced.. he wasn’t talking hurriedly but thinking and talking.. they finished their work on time..I was noticing all this while hand sewing in another room..

Yes I am their mother and first teacher.. my instincts don’t give up easily.. though my hands are working I notice these changes in my kid silently.. I appreciated him gently in front of the younger one as she needs to see these examples.. I need not start all over from scratch with her.. and yes I shed a few tears of happiness silently.. he will not die alone as predicted by some.. that’s more than enough for me.. when he is an adult people may not know about the metamorphosis but I know it took time, effort, patience, belief and love..

Is empathy a skill or inborn quality?

My older one would think a hundred times to even squish a cockroach.. if a dragon fly broke it’s wings he would cry for it.. if he found a dead dog on the road he will not sleep for days.. if a tree is cut : the consequences are even more sever..he is soaked in empathy for nature..

But only when another human is in immense pain he understands their pain.. otherwise it has to be pointed out to him.. he has to be explained to about how different their situations could be from his.. constant reminders have to be put to think before talking.. he has to be convinced to give allowances before concluding.. yes his little anger towards humanity for being unfair to nature is also a cause..

I have thought I could never make him empathetic towards other humans.. I don’t wish for a brainer and monetarily successful child but a peaceful and happy one.. I have been pointing out to him in all creative ways using stories, pretend situations, play and art to see from other person’s perspective.. I have been saying along with my kids from when they have been talking that “we are happy, peaceful and empathetic people” before we go to bed every day.. I wasn’t sure if this would yield results but I have been doing it with full heart.. along with the family cuddling before bed..

Something surprising happened yesterday.. my younger one has the habit of tying threads, ribbons and ropes across different places at home during play.. we have been constantly telling her to remove them after play but she always forgets.. there have been mild accidents too because of it.. yesterday I tripped in one such tied rope at night after dinner while doing something in a dark room.. my head hit the corner of the door frame on wall and I sprained my ankle.. in pain I screamed out at my younger one and her dad got angry at her too and yelled at her.. she was shaken and started crying of shock.. big brother immediately jumped out of his work and hugged her and kissed her.. he kept rubbing her back till she was calmer.. I held back husband’s hand and waited to see what was going on.. he told us sternly,” I know what she did was wrong but what you guys did was wrong too!” And he told her “hug amma you will feel better.. rub her head gently.. it’s swollen..” he brought an ice pack for my ankle.. this has never happened in these 10 years..

He was sensibly empathetic and sensitive to everyone.. one more goal of hope for mom.. 😊.. the little joys of motherhood.. and yes ofcourse me and hubby discussed it at night with amazement! Nothing is permanent..

Mindfulness and activities for gifted kids

Small bags and pouches by my 10 year old

I had a tough day.. what ever I did I couldn’t control the outbursts of emotions.. I tried to maintain calm and explain, hugged, tried to play , watch something together on tv, read together but every few minutes they were charged and charging over each other for trivial things.. the noise level was too high.. crying happened for most part of the day.. I did not know what to do..

I just took up my sewing kit and theirs.. placed everything on the sewing table and started off on my mindful rhythmic sewing patterns.. few minutes later both were sitting beside me sewing their stuff.. all of a sudden the whole house was calm and peaceful..

I collect scrap fabrics from my projects into a bin.. I use them to teach them quilting.. I let them plan their lay out and choose fabrics.. then hand sew.. no deadlines.. no pressure.. just some rhythmic motion based on their ideas..

It improves hand-eye coordination, calms the brain, converts their energies into something positive.. improves appreciation for hand work.. boosts self confidence and self belief.. I insist on converting the small patches they make into products of their use.. it improves self worth to look at what you make with your hands being of good use.. choosing a design and colour coordination helps in decision making.. it is a way to express feelings.. it’s a mode to communicate..

They enjoy the process.. perfection is not the aim but perseverance is.. it’s a life skill too.. with no gender barriers.. helps navigate through emotions.. better than a regular boring handwriting book to train the hands..

My 5 year old working on embroidery for her quilt

Solo traveler

I asked my 10year son to describe him to me and he said after some thinking that he is a ” solo traveler ” .. I asked him to explain and he said ” I like to let my thoughts guide me at my own pace to what I want to do next than travel with others around me.. I like to enjoy my process and experience the thrill of doing them just by myself” .. I asked him if he is happy and he said alone he is super happy and with others around he is happy only sometimes.. I asked him why? And he said he feels a bit insecure when lot of people are around and a pressure to perform better in presence of others is not a great feeling.. you have to talk consciously, behave consciously and act consciously.. very difficult.. strong words for a 10 year old

Then I asked my 5 year old the same question.. she said she is super happy being her own friend.. but she also likes being around with lesser people and not lots of people.. why? ” Because I like observing how others do things and sometimes participate but when there are lots of people there are too many ideas and too many people looking at you.. it’s not a good feeling.. with lesser people we can talk better.. ” that’s very similar to my older one but she does like little company once in a while..

I asked them if they don’t miss communication if they are by themselves? Older one said ” I get time to think over and act slowly.. I can write, draw or chat with someone online when I want rather than having to talk in that moment itself.. I am still communicating.. ” Younger one said, “I talk to myself and I have all that I feel in my paintings and I can sew too.. I will show them when I want to , to someone and tell them what I want to tell them.. others need not know.. if I want I will talk to people else I won’t..”

How beautifully they explained an introvert’s life.. how they enjoy their various modes of communication.. they are sensitive.. what other’s think inhibits their thought processes.. they need time to respond and in their own way.. in fact my older one has been reading tremendously and chatting with some adults in online gardening and science communities without any difficulty.. the daughter has exhibited her feelings a lot though art in the lockdown period . I find them to be less angrier and less agitated in the past few months.. they are able to easily cope up being away from the world.. and have learnt a lot at greater pace at peace..

Introverts need support and understanding of their modes of communication rather than a push to be with the world.. there is no one means of communication that suits everyone.. we just have to be open and sensitive to the talk.. not everyone can express everything by speaking out in public.. Introverts are happy people too but in a different way.. just don’t push them.. solo but not lonely.. that should be the aim..

The family konjal!

Whatever happens.. however it happens.. it doesn’t matter.. at the end of the day before saying the night Slokas we do family konjal! I.e we do family cuddling.. (konjal is Tamil)

We decide to forgive and forget everything every night before bed.. all we try to remember is that we love each other beyond everything and will be beside each other inspite of everything..

It helps my gifted kids a lot to remove the burden of self blaming or inferiority complex or insecurity.. they know what ever they do we will still love them.. and we believe whatever we do they will learn to love us.. all of us are learning.. we are learning to parent and they are learning to live.. together we are learning life..

There are days when tears trickle down when we hug.. the day has been intense.. to know that you are still loved is calming.. to know you are still accepted is soothing.. to know you can be yourself is assuring..

It’s tough to let go and hug with whole heart but when we do we can see how much we need it more than them..

It also helps my kids see that in a family it is ok to hug or kiss and there is nothing wrong in showing your partner or parents your love without inhibitions … It’s great to express love.. it’s great to let go.. it’s great to remember to start afresh before you go to bed..

It gives more hope for tomorrow..

Pandemic and uncertainty

While others are trying their best to keep kids at home due to the pandemic, I have made no efforts.. as there is no need of it! They have not played outside the house or met friends or fought to go out.. it is me and husband who are trying to send them for a walk early morning (mine are early wakers) when no one is around.. they fear everyone now.. we have hardly met anyone since March end.. there have been days of intense melt down begging us ‘not to die and let them suffer alone’.. they take time to accept change..

Logic did not work.. Making them drink all traditional immunity boosters did not change mind-set.. agitation, crying for no reason and sad faces staring into oblivion became regular … Peace seemed totally lost..

Games and stories and art did some amount of magic.. I cooked up stories about imaginary characters who survived pandemics that affected the world in the past.. asked them to do the same.. we tried making funny endings..

Like the old partially blind lady who made some magic concoction accidentally and became rich as it treated the illness and so on..

Then we often draw and paint the changes we see and expect to see in the world as the effect of pandemic.. my older one calls himself a solo wanderer and he painted himself reading a book under tree in solitude happily.. younger one has been drawing green parks and happy roads..

Necessity is the mother of all.. more so for a mother..

Learning from the unknown faces!

#lifewithgifted #learning #pandemic #lifeinlockdown #giftedkids #education #vituallearning #virtualclasses #tasksforgifted

The pandemic lockdown has been a blessing of sorts.. this is the first year that we have stayed back home for the summer.. usually we stay at grandparents place or go on vacation to explore places according to kids line of interests and our garden doesn’t get enough care but this year we are around.. and we learnt a lot from unknown faces across the globe with out travelling..

I gave my 10 year old 4 tasks based on his interests- learn something related to zoology, something related to gardening, something to improve his spiritual health and some hand work.. I gave him a budget and told him to look for online classes for the first 3.. he came up with few choices and we opted for what suits us the best among them.. he felt more in control of his life which he had been fighting for but he was still under our guidance.. he went on do a course with a zoo, then a gardening course, a Bhagawat Gita class and started on his new quilt( with me).. as he had a little more left in his budget he took up a coding class too..

This venture has been pretty successful as he finished 4 of the 5 tasks that he took up and our garden is lush green.. we have had a decent harvest and it radiates a lot of positive vibrations.. he feels a lot happier and is able to manage his time better.. he has gone ahead to become a member in a virtual gardening group, getting help and rendering help too. They don’t know that they are talking to a kid but look up to him for advice. He is loving the process as to answer them he is learning more.. I have met several road blocks in many classes as they found his age to be a barrier.. though he is mentally far ahead he was not included due to age.. but that barrier has been broken in the virtual community.. he finds the virtual community for learning to be comfortable as he can walk in and out when he pleases.. he has his moods.. yes there have been days of tantrums where he would ask for exotic seeds but then the spiritual discourses have helped him calm down and think if he really needs them.. to fulfill the course with the zoo he went ahead to make comic strips, posters and stories for the assignments as they did not restrict him with regular testing at the end of the course.. as for the hand sewing.. he is still learning slowly to work patiently.. and coding class was completed too..

Overall we have had beautiful time learning to learn in a new way.. and house is more calm, smelling good with the harvests..