When the cat is out of the bag

My kids usually don’t talk much about their interests to people they are not used to.. my younger one is exceptionally silent when she is in a crowd.. but when they talk the reactions vary to extremes.. some jaws drop, some judge us for being pushy parents, some tell us we are making them loose their childhood, some consider us lucky to have such exceptionally talented kids, some call us ‘show off’, some even paint us with casteist remarks and some consider our lives extremely easy because our kids can learn so much very easily..

We have learnt to become immune over the years to these reactions.. we have even learnt to make humour out the reactions.. this has become part of our lives.. their judgements, comments and ideas don’t make our life better or difficult.. we can’t control their reactions but we can control our response.. zindagi melegi na dobara.. you won’t get life again.. so we are trying to make the best of what God has gifted us with.. we are living as happily as possible with ourselves with room for self-improvement , always.. whatever be one’s gift, there is a lot of hardwork and passion needed to make the best of the gift..

I love a sentence from a famous Tamil movie- “kashta pattu velai pannaa pathaadhu, ishta pattu velai paakanum” there is no use working hard , we need to work with passion .. When we work with passion we enjoy the process too.. it makes life more simple.. when watering a tree it’s important to enjoy every leaf that comes up than waiting for the sweet fruits that come much later in life.. we may not be around to taste them.. so let’s not postpone the little joys of life..

A different angle..

One day dear husband lost his cool when dear son was observing ants for hours while he had lots of home work left to do.. they had a heated argument.. I let things settle and asked my son, ” you want to climb Himalayas but you are fishing in Kanyakumari without starting your journey.. how will you reach Himalayas at the earliest possible time?” He smiled and said, “why should I reach at the earliest? Can’t I enjoy fishing in Kanyakumari, the beach in Mahabalipuram, the forests on the way and the zillion sunset and sunrise on the way and reach at my own pace?”

I wanted to prove my point.. I reminded him of the hare and tortoise race on how consistency will help him win.. but he said ” Amma the hare enjoyed a breezy day under the tree.. had a happy nap and filled his life with fun.. the tortoise did nothing except slogging his way to the finish line.. what’s the use? My goals are different ma.. but every one seems to be rushing to some common goal.. I just want to learn about everything around me .. the books don’t teach me all that.. “

Point to ponder over.. why should we be in the race.. why should we have common goals.. why should everyone take the same path.. It’s tough for him and us as we don’t belong to the crowd but everything is custom made for the crowd.. breaking the norms and threading at our own pace is tough.. trying to ignore the push is tough.. trying to find a mid path is tough.. but we will some how do it.. not knowing how the future is going to be, we are just trying our best..

Detached attachment

Whenever he feels sad he would ask for a hug.. he always says it makes him feel better.. but off late he says my hugs are more calming than ever.. yes I too feel more calm than before after I realised something..

I read these words in a holy book, “though your child is from you he/she is not a part of you.. they are separate souls of their own”.. yes I have heard it many times before but it struck me only recently.. I am responsible for the safety and learnings of the child but not entirely for every action of the child.. there is his/her own individual self that responds and reacts differently from mine.. though I can show what is right and wrong, I can’t totally control every act..

Do your ‘Karma’ without expecting is easier said than done.. but I am slowly learning that I have to give my best yet stay detached.. love unconditionally both myself and my kids whatever be the situation.. I am slowly putting the onus of responsibility on them.. they are responsible for their acts.. yes it may sound like a lazy, bad mother but it is the truth.. I want them to grow their wings without burning mine..

The guilt of motherhood is reducing and I am able to enjoy their childhood better.. and offer more calming hugs..

The art of fermentation!

I made the idli batter in the morning.. it is fermenting.. the smell is heavenly after almost 8 hrs.. if I let it ferment too much then it gets that sour smell and becomes a hard idli when I make one.. if I don’t wait for fermentation it’s not that fluffy, soft Idli.. The fermentation is an art.. not too much not too less.. just right.. some get it by instinct and some need to learn.. result is a soft, fluffy and healthy idli known for its amazing benefits…

The same goes with waiting for your opportunities too.. I learnt it by experience.. figuring out the right time to grab the opportunity is an art.. and I am trying to help my children learn it.. my older has no patience to wait while my younger one waits too much that she looses her opportunities.. showing the optimum state .. the Goldie locks period is a challenge.. citing examples.. analysing situations of past.. pretend play.. I am trying it all..

Why so much effort? Because because thinking once or twice before execution improves the process.. Because great ideas need the right time and right place to become useful inventions.. Because great things need time to become greater.. Because it reduces damages and wastage of time on mending things that could have been avoided.. Because you can compete with yourself and get better.. Because there is always a room for improvement..

Change needs time..

“He is too sharp..” “he cuts like knife..”” it’s because of you that he is like this…” “Children learn from parents so the cause is you..”” what’s the use of his brain he is going to die alone” “you will struggle when he grows up because you are making him rude..”

I have been hearing these for a very long time after becoming a parent.. I have felt the burden of guilt too heavy to even see any hope for myself in life.. I hardly get into groups, being an introvert myself I have struggled to talk to people.. I prefer communication by writing or messages than a direct one on one talk.. I don’t know diplomacy.. the guilty feeling that I wasn’t being a good example being cause for ruining my child was killing me.. I tried my best but no one belives me.. every time I hear a remark I feel more heavy.. I feel like a looser.. a failure.. I stick to my art – my world my saviour.. the rhythmic motion of my machine feels like a lullaby..as my machine sews puting together ripped useless scraps to form something beautiful, unique and soothing I feel I can.. I regain the bits of me scattered around and put them back but in a different format.. I rework my thoughts.. my processes..

I start again with my ritual of pretend play.. bringing his attention to what soothed him a situation or in a conversation.. reinforcing positive affirmations daily night.. that family cuddling to tell him and me that whatever it be we are there for each other..

And today I saw a ray of hope again.. he was engaged in an online group conversation with his class mates over making a presentation.. he very consciously helped his friends improve on their ideas.. he appreciated them as he led them.. he made sure it was a group effort and not just his.. his voice though loud as usual was having a different tone.. it had reassurance, kindness and was slow paced.. he wasn’t talking hurriedly but thinking and talking.. they finished their work on time..I was noticing all this while hand sewing in another room..

Yes I am their mother and first teacher.. my instincts don’t give up easily.. though my hands are working I notice these changes in my kid silently.. I appreciated him gently in front of the younger one as she needs to see these examples.. I need not start all over from scratch with her.. and yes I shed a few tears of happiness silently.. he will not die alone as predicted by some.. that’s more than enough for me.. when he is an adult people may not know about the metamorphosis but I know it took time, effort, patience, belief and love..

Mindfulness and activities for gifted kids

Small bags and pouches by my 10 year old

I had a tough day.. what ever I did I couldn’t control the outbursts of emotions.. I tried to maintain calm and explain, hugged, tried to play , watch something together on tv, read together but every few minutes they were charged and charging over each other for trivial things.. the noise level was too high.. crying happened for most part of the day.. I did not know what to do..

I just took up my sewing kit and theirs.. placed everything on the sewing table and started off on my mindful rhythmic sewing patterns.. few minutes later both were sitting beside me sewing their stuff.. all of a sudden the whole house was calm and peaceful..

I collect scrap fabrics from my projects into a bin.. I use them to teach them quilting.. I let them plan their lay out and choose fabrics.. then hand sew.. no deadlines.. no pressure.. just some rhythmic motion based on their ideas..

It improves hand-eye coordination, calms the brain, converts their energies into something positive.. improves appreciation for hand work.. boosts self confidence and self belief.. I insist on converting the small patches they make into products of their use.. it improves self worth to look at what you make with your hands being of good use.. choosing a design and colour coordination helps in decision making.. it is a way to express feelings.. it’s a mode to communicate..

They enjoy the process.. perfection is not the aim but perseverance is.. it’s a life skill too.. with no gender barriers.. helps navigate through emotions.. better than a regular boring handwriting book to train the hands..

My 5 year old working on embroidery for her quilt

Learning from the unknown faces!

#lifewithgifted #learning #pandemic #lifeinlockdown #giftedkids #education #vituallearning #virtualclasses #tasksforgifted

The pandemic lockdown has been a blessing of sorts.. this is the first year that we have stayed back home for the summer.. usually we stay at grandparents place or go on vacation to explore places according to kids line of interests and our garden doesn’t get enough care but this year we are around.. and we learnt a lot from unknown faces across the globe with out travelling..

I gave my 10 year old 4 tasks based on his interests- learn something related to zoology, something related to gardening, something to improve his spiritual health and some hand work.. I gave him a budget and told him to look for online classes for the first 3.. he came up with few choices and we opted for what suits us the best among them.. he felt more in control of his life which he had been fighting for but he was still under our guidance.. he went on do a course with a zoo, then a gardening course, a Bhagawat Gita class and started on his new quilt( with me).. as he had a little more left in his budget he took up a coding class too..

This venture has been pretty successful as he finished 4 of the 5 tasks that he took up and our garden is lush green.. we have had a decent harvest and it radiates a lot of positive vibrations.. he feels a lot happier and is able to manage his time better.. he has gone ahead to become a member in a virtual gardening group, getting help and rendering help too. They don’t know that they are talking to a kid but look up to him for advice. He is loving the process as to answer them he is learning more.. I have met several road blocks in many classes as they found his age to be a barrier.. though he is mentally far ahead he was not included due to age.. but that barrier has been broken in the virtual community.. he finds the virtual community for learning to be comfortable as he can walk in and out when he pleases.. he has his moods.. yes there have been days of tantrums where he would ask for exotic seeds but then the spiritual discourses have helped him calm down and think if he really needs them.. to fulfill the course with the zoo he went ahead to make comic strips, posters and stories for the assignments as they did not restrict him with regular testing at the end of the course.. as for the hand sewing.. he is still learning slowly to work patiently.. and coding class was completed too..

Overall we have had beautiful time learning to learn in a new way.. and house is more calm, smelling good with the harvests..

I see myself in them

#lifewithgifted #giftedness #solitude #hobbies #mentalhealth #understanding

There are many aspects of me that I see in my kids.. after all I was one of their gene carriers.. but they are strong willed like their father and that showcases their abilities in a better way..

When I see them struggle with over thinking or when they struggle to move with their peers I see my struggles too.. when they visualise differently and no one understands them I see my own struggles.. when they have multiple interests that just transports them to a different world I see myself.. when they are good at so many things effortlessly but have no interest or intentions to build on all of that I see myself.. I see myself in their fears and tears..

I had struggled a lot as a child to mingle with others as I found very few points of contacts.. I love my own company and solitude… When I look back at what helped me walk through my difficult situations and accept myself, I see one big habit shinning like sun among the other stars.. hobbies

Whenever I wanted to retreat into my cocoon.. whenever I wanted to collect myself.. whenever I wanted to accept myself.. whenever I wanted to cry but couldn’t.. whenever I wanted to end it all.. whenever I felt unheard and unwanted.. whenever I found it difficult to explain myself.. my hobbies helped me explore all the dimensions and think and express better.. they gave me that place to replenish.. that space to feel better.. that place to just be myself.. that place to become invisible.. that place to get involved.. that place to rest and relax.. that place to feel some success and achievement of conquering something.. they helped feel worthy.. I don’t have one but multiple hobbies.. so I get to dwell in more therapeutic places..

As I see myself in my kids I help them build a lot of hobbies.. worlds that they can enjoy their own company in.. though we need to socialize, we need to love solitude too..

Part 3- Big B -the very reason to start the blog

#life #gifted #lifewithgifted #multitasking #genius #innovator #creator #pain #lifelessons #understanding #emotions

Learnings from his life..

When the child has high intelligence and capacity the child’s interests and attention is focused on the subject that they love.. everything else is trivial to the child.. if we can’t understand the intensity of the passion towards learning more we should atleast not give a negative energy..

1.be extremely forgiving as they need that trusted shoulder when they are up against a world that considers them a misfit..

2.be a guide and show them more outlets for the simmering emotions ..

3.throw several ropes from various areas of interests and they will catch hold of what they need and climb up by themselves..

4. Lower down your expectations

5. Developing a spiritual and friendly relationship with God is good for overall mental health.

6. Our education system doesn’t have enough variety to Carter to the variety of students.. the system and teachers need updation .. teachers have to know more about psychology of children and have to handle their needs appropriately

Part 2- Big B -the very reason to start the blog

(photos and artwork on my blog are my own)

#life #gifted #lifewithgifted #multitasking #genius #innovator #creator #pain #lifelessons #understanding #emotions

A post by him on social media years back just popped up on my page.. drew me into good and bad memories..

Big B was the big brother from another womb.. my neighbour in childhood.. he always amazed me with his abilities.. I would see him jaw dropped through the day.. he could fix phones to cars even as a kid in 1990s when computers were just making an entry into India.. he built an audio editing system from scratch at home as a teenager.. but his teachers did not find him interesting.. he was called a looser, mad kid and treated badly by teachers at school.. he had let all the emotions simmer inside without telling his parents’ too.. he was kicked out of a prestigious school and it impacted his mental health.. the pressure was building without anyone’s knowledge..he was home schooled but he was still a difficult kid to handle for many.. I never understood why but now I know why.. with many struggles and limited friends he completed his 12 the grade.. but he was already an inventor by then.. he was an extremely caring neighbour and brother to me and my brother who were mostly alone when my parents went out to work.. he introduced me to books.. he would help me with my projects that involved computers.. he would always keep a watch on us.. he was leading the graphics team of a famous media company and did graphics for TV and films.. his abilities were recognised and he went on to study in the USA.. great names came calling but his health had taken a beating.. He came back home when he knew that he was suffering from an auto immunity disorder with no cure and had just 5 more years to live though he was just in his 20s.. even with health issues he went on to innovate with his trade mark smile and wit.. he bet his odds both mentally and physically to live for 7 more years.. I was not aware of the magnitude of his illness and we were continuing our friendship on social media.. when I had my second child he wanted to meet me.. but good things come to an end and his life ended prematurely.. I feel guilty to this day for not meeting him before he died..

His life had a lesson for everyone involved in it.. the world understands those with average and below average IQ better than those with high IQs.. do we give the intellectually superior the needed understanding? How many times we have branded them as egoistic and proud? Are we as a society accomodating them ? Or are we expecting them to accomodate themselves to us from the beginning? Are we understanding them emotionally?

I think I can pay back to him only if I bring up my kids, understanding the critical aspects than the popular aspects.. whenever my older one shows me little inventions of his, I am reminded of only one face.. when ever I see him struggle emotionally because the society doesn’t understand I get the very same memories.. I will share the lessons from his life with everyone.. because people like these can make the world a better place if only we accept and understand them..