When the cat is out of the bag

My kids usually don’t talk much about their interests to people they are not used to.. my younger one is exceptionally silent when she is in a crowd.. but when they talk the reactions vary to extremes.. some jaws drop, some judge us for being pushy parents, some tell us we are making them loose their childhood, some consider us lucky to have such exceptionally talented kids, some call us ‘show off’, some even paint us with casteist remarks and some consider our lives extremely easy because our kids can learn so much very easily..

We have learnt to become immune over the years to these reactions.. we have even learnt to make humour out the reactions.. this has become part of our lives.. their judgements, comments and ideas don’t make our life better or difficult.. we can’t control their reactions but we can control our response.. zindagi melegi na dobara.. you won’t get life again.. so we are trying to make the best of what God has gifted us with.. we are living as happily as possible with ourselves with room for self-improvement , always.. whatever be one’s gift, there is a lot of hardwork and passion needed to make the best of the gift..

I love a sentence from a famous Tamil movie- “kashta pattu velai pannaa pathaadhu, ishta pattu velai paakanum” there is no use working hard , we need to work with passion .. When we work with passion we enjoy the process too.. it makes life more simple.. when watering a tree it’s important to enjoy every leaf that comes up than waiting for the sweet fruits that come much later in life.. we may not be around to taste them.. so let’s not postpone the little joys of life..

Managing varied capabilities and time

So his art was was due last month for submission.. and he has a zillion interests and limited time.. he gets carried away into the depths of whatever he starts off or carried away by something totally off topic.. So his art work never got done.. and I have been behind him reminding him for days..

Reminding did not seem to work so got involved in his daily schedule making.. he has nothing called a schedule so I have been behind his life to work on a schedule for him all by himself.. so he has started making a schedule.. but hasn’t been successful in finishing things on it but atleast a few things have got done.. we are reviewing every morning and at the end of the day.. it is making him a little conscious of time.. so some pending stuffs are off this list finally..

Capability without the ability to execute doesn’t seem to reach anywhere.. loads of hobbies are not seeing day light due to lack of time.. and if even a little thing in it was not a subject of his interest it ended up not being done.. like in the art it wasn’t an animal based art so there was zero motivation to do.. but it’s school assignment and had to be done.. so we are working on pooling in some effort towards things that have to been done though it may not be of his interest.. because everything in life may not be of our area of interest always but we need some self motivation to get it done..

We have been taking about what is the duty of every role based on Bhagavat Gita as he loves reading and understanding it.. and linking those to his duty as a student, son, brother and citizen of the world.. it seems to work.. let’s see how it progresses..

A different angle..

One day dear husband lost his cool when dear son was observing ants for hours while he had lots of home work left to do.. they had a heated argument.. I let things settle and asked my son, ” you want to climb Himalayas but you are fishing in Kanyakumari without starting your journey.. how will you reach Himalayas at the earliest possible time?” He smiled and said, “why should I reach at the earliest? Can’t I enjoy fishing in Kanyakumari, the beach in Mahabalipuram, the forests on the way and the zillion sunset and sunrise on the way and reach at my own pace?”

I wanted to prove my point.. I reminded him of the hare and tortoise race on how consistency will help him win.. but he said ” Amma the hare enjoyed a breezy day under the tree.. had a happy nap and filled his life with fun.. the tortoise did nothing except slogging his way to the finish line.. what’s the use? My goals are different ma.. but every one seems to be rushing to some common goal.. I just want to learn about everything around me .. the books don’t teach me all that.. “

Point to ponder over.. why should we be in the race.. why should we have common goals.. why should everyone take the same path.. It’s tough for him and us as we don’t belong to the crowd but everything is custom made for the crowd.. breaking the norms and threading at our own pace is tough.. trying to ignore the push is tough.. trying to find a mid path is tough.. but we will some how do it.. not knowing how the future is going to be, we are just trying our best..

Change needs time..

“He is too sharp..” “he cuts like knife..”” it’s because of you that he is like this…” “Children learn from parents so the cause is you..”” what’s the use of his brain he is going to die alone” “you will struggle when he grows up because you are making him rude..”

I have been hearing these for a very long time after becoming a parent.. I have felt the burden of guilt too heavy to even see any hope for myself in life.. I hardly get into groups, being an introvert myself I have struggled to talk to people.. I prefer communication by writing or messages than a direct one on one talk.. I don’t know diplomacy.. the guilty feeling that I wasn’t being a good example being cause for ruining my child was killing me.. I tried my best but no one belives me.. every time I hear a remark I feel more heavy.. I feel like a looser.. a failure.. I stick to my art – my world my saviour.. the rhythmic motion of my machine feels like a lullaby..as my machine sews puting together ripped useless scraps to form something beautiful, unique and soothing I feel I can.. I regain the bits of me scattered around and put them back but in a different format.. I rework my thoughts.. my processes..

I start again with my ritual of pretend play.. bringing his attention to what soothed him a situation or in a conversation.. reinforcing positive affirmations daily night.. that family cuddling to tell him and me that whatever it be we are there for each other..

And today I saw a ray of hope again.. he was engaged in an online group conversation with his class mates over making a presentation.. he very consciously helped his friends improve on their ideas.. he appreciated them as he led them.. he made sure it was a group effort and not just his.. his voice though loud as usual was having a different tone.. it had reassurance, kindness and was slow paced.. he wasn’t talking hurriedly but thinking and talking.. they finished their work on time..I was noticing all this while hand sewing in another room..

Yes I am their mother and first teacher.. my instincts don’t give up easily.. though my hands are working I notice these changes in my kid silently.. I appreciated him gently in front of the younger one as she needs to see these examples.. I need not start all over from scratch with her.. and yes I shed a few tears of happiness silently.. he will not die alone as predicted by some.. that’s more than enough for me.. when he is an adult people may not know about the metamorphosis but I know it took time, effort, patience, belief and love..

Is empathy a skill or inborn quality?

My older one would think a hundred times to even squish a cockroach.. if a dragon fly broke it’s wings he would cry for it.. if he found a dead dog on the road he will not sleep for days.. if a tree is cut : the consequences are even more sever..he is soaked in empathy for nature..

But only when another human is in immense pain he understands their pain.. otherwise it has to be pointed out to him.. he has to be explained to about how different their situations could be from his.. constant reminders have to be put to think before talking.. he has to be convinced to give allowances before concluding.. yes his little anger towards humanity for being unfair to nature is also a cause..

I have thought I could never make him empathetic towards other humans.. I don’t wish for a brainer and monetarily successful child but a peaceful and happy one.. I have been pointing out to him in all creative ways using stories, pretend situations, play and art to see from other person’s perspective.. I have been saying along with my kids from when they have been talking that “we are happy, peaceful and empathetic people” before we go to bed every day.. I wasn’t sure if this would yield results but I have been doing it with full heart.. along with the family cuddling before bed..

Something surprising happened yesterday.. my younger one has the habit of tying threads, ribbons and ropes across different places at home during play.. we have been constantly telling her to remove them after play but she always forgets.. there have been mild accidents too because of it.. yesterday I tripped in one such tied rope at night after dinner while doing something in a dark room.. my head hit the corner of the door frame on wall and I sprained my ankle.. in pain I screamed out at my younger one and her dad got angry at her too and yelled at her.. she was shaken and started crying of shock.. big brother immediately jumped out of his work and hugged her and kissed her.. he kept rubbing her back till she was calmer.. I held back husband’s hand and waited to see what was going on.. he told us sternly,” I know what she did was wrong but what you guys did was wrong too!” And he told her “hug amma you will feel better.. rub her head gently.. it’s swollen..” he brought an ice pack for my ankle.. this has never happened in these 10 years..

He was sensibly empathetic and sensitive to everyone.. one more goal of hope for mom.. 😊.. the little joys of motherhood.. and yes ofcourse me and hubby discussed it at night with amazement! Nothing is permanent..

The family konjal!

Whatever happens.. however it happens.. it doesn’t matter.. at the end of the day before saying the night Slokas we do family konjal! I.e we do family cuddling.. (konjal is Tamil)

We decide to forgive and forget everything every night before bed.. all we try to remember is that we love each other beyond everything and will be beside each other inspite of everything..

It helps my gifted kids a lot to remove the burden of self blaming or inferiority complex or insecurity.. they know what ever they do we will still love them.. and we believe whatever we do they will learn to love us.. all of us are learning.. we are learning to parent and they are learning to live.. together we are learning life..

There are days when tears trickle down when we hug.. the day has been intense.. to know that you are still loved is calming.. to know you are still accepted is soothing.. to know you can be yourself is assuring..

It’s tough to let go and hug with whole heart but when we do we can see how much we need it more than them..

It also helps my kids see that in a family it is ok to hug or kiss and there is nothing wrong in showing your partner or parents your love without inhibitions … It’s great to express love.. it’s great to let go.. it’s great to remember to start afresh before you go to bed..

It gives more hope for tomorrow..

Learning from the unknown faces!

#lifewithgifted #learning #pandemic #lifeinlockdown #giftedkids #education #vituallearning #virtualclasses #tasksforgifted

The pandemic lockdown has been a blessing of sorts.. this is the first year that we have stayed back home for the summer.. usually we stay at grandparents place or go on vacation to explore places according to kids line of interests and our garden doesn’t get enough care but this year we are around.. and we learnt a lot from unknown faces across the globe with out travelling..

I gave my 10 year old 4 tasks based on his interests- learn something related to zoology, something related to gardening, something to improve his spiritual health and some hand work.. I gave him a budget and told him to look for online classes for the first 3.. he came up with few choices and we opted for what suits us the best among them.. he felt more in control of his life which he had been fighting for but he was still under our guidance.. he went on do a course with a zoo, then a gardening course, a Bhagawat Gita class and started on his new quilt( with me).. as he had a little more left in his budget he took up a coding class too..

This venture has been pretty successful as he finished 4 of the 5 tasks that he took up and our garden is lush green.. we have had a decent harvest and it radiates a lot of positive vibrations.. he feels a lot happier and is able to manage his time better.. he has gone ahead to become a member in a virtual gardening group, getting help and rendering help too. They don’t know that they are talking to a kid but look up to him for advice. He is loving the process as to answer them he is learning more.. I have met several road blocks in many classes as they found his age to be a barrier.. though he is mentally far ahead he was not included due to age.. but that barrier has been broken in the virtual community.. he finds the virtual community for learning to be comfortable as he can walk in and out when he pleases.. he has his moods.. yes there have been days of tantrums where he would ask for exotic seeds but then the spiritual discourses have helped him calm down and think if he really needs them.. to fulfill the course with the zoo he went ahead to make comic strips, posters and stories for the assignments as they did not restrict him with regular testing at the end of the course.. as for the hand sewing.. he is still learning slowly to work patiently.. and coding class was completed too..

Overall we have had beautiful time learning to learn in a new way.. and house is more calm, smelling good with the harvests..

I see myself in them

#lifewithgifted #giftedness #solitude #hobbies #mentalhealth #understanding

There are many aspects of me that I see in my kids.. after all I was one of their gene carriers.. but they are strong willed like their father and that showcases their abilities in a better way..

When I see them struggle with over thinking or when they struggle to move with their peers I see my struggles too.. when they visualise differently and no one understands them I see my own struggles.. when they have multiple interests that just transports them to a different world I see myself.. when they are good at so many things effortlessly but have no interest or intentions to build on all of that I see myself.. I see myself in their fears and tears..

I had struggled a lot as a child to mingle with others as I found very few points of contacts.. I love my own company and solitude… When I look back at what helped me walk through my difficult situations and accept myself, I see one big habit shinning like sun among the other stars.. hobbies

Whenever I wanted to retreat into my cocoon.. whenever I wanted to collect myself.. whenever I wanted to accept myself.. whenever I wanted to cry but couldn’t.. whenever I wanted to end it all.. whenever I felt unheard and unwanted.. whenever I found it difficult to explain myself.. my hobbies helped me explore all the dimensions and think and express better.. they gave me that place to replenish.. that space to feel better.. that place to just be myself.. that place to become invisible.. that place to get involved.. that place to rest and relax.. that place to feel some success and achievement of conquering something.. they helped feel worthy.. I don’t have one but multiple hobbies.. so I get to dwell in more therapeutic places..

As I see myself in my kids I help them build a lot of hobbies.. worlds that they can enjoy their own company in.. though we need to socialize, we need to love solitude too..

Part 3- Big B -the very reason to start the blog

#life #gifted #lifewithgifted #multitasking #genius #innovator #creator #pain #lifelessons #understanding #emotions

Learnings from his life..

When the child has high intelligence and capacity the child’s interests and attention is focused on the subject that they love.. everything else is trivial to the child.. if we can’t understand the intensity of the passion towards learning more we should atleast not give a negative energy..

1.be extremely forgiving as they need that trusted shoulder when they are up against a world that considers them a misfit..

2.be a guide and show them more outlets for the simmering emotions ..

3.throw several ropes from various areas of interests and they will catch hold of what they need and climb up by themselves..

4. Lower down your expectations

5. Developing a spiritual and friendly relationship with God is good for overall mental health.

6. Our education system doesn’t have enough variety to Carter to the variety of students.. the system and teachers need updation .. teachers have to know more about psychology of children and have to handle their needs appropriately

I look for the moon

#giftedkids #gifted #life #lifewithgifted

I always look for the moon as it help see the paths ahead.. in the lone clueless nights they show me the different paths ahead of me.. I get to choose what I want with slow well thought of decisions.. it is not like the sun.. it reflects what it has learnt from life.. the Sun throws too much of light everywhere causing mirage and confusion.. when I see the sun I get confused with the abundant options that I make hasty decisions not understanding that there is a mirage and not water on the path.. but the moon lets me take one step at a time.. it lets me process and mature before the next.. and I can’t blame the moon as decision was entirely mine…

Yes I am looking for more moons to show me more options in life.. if you think you have been in the road that I travel and want to be a moon, you are most welcome.. if you are looking for a moon we can look for it together..

I can be reached at lifewithgifted@gmail.com