Because this issues requires a multitude of solutions..

For the past 2 years I have slowly taken to mindful embroidery.. I find a calm time and place and sit down in the most comfortable position.. and work on the design slowly and meditatively.. with every stitch I mention the name of people I have to forgive.. not because what they did was right or because I misunderstood them.. because I have to be at peace with myself.. because they do not deserve the energy getting spent.. because it is good to keep my soul clear of negative thoughts.. just for few minutes a day and I feel the difference..

Earlier whenever few memories from the past came flashing due to some trigger, I felt the same amount of palpitations, stomach cramps, like I did on that day.. it was followed by anger and guilt.. it reduced my trust on people.. the anger spilt over into my other areas of life.. so I felt the need to heal myself first.. now the memories do come but in a more peaceful way.. it helps me think of solutions rather than ‘what if that had happened..?’ it helps me see my strength.. in every one of those situations I did not get paralyzed instead screamed or raised my voice and helped myself out of the situation.. and I see the need for this habit to be formed in my kids.. because situations can’t be totally prevented but proper responses can be inculcated..

As a parent I now understand better on how to help my kids.. I have been a dreamer but very independent.. and lost in thoughts.. too involved in something that I like that I had missed the earliest cues.. and no one had ever spoken to me about good or bad touch.. I never knew what consent was.. I had no clue that I had the right to my body.. All that helped me avert situations were my instincts.. but that also harboured a sense on guilt because I though it was my behaviour or looks that caused it.. I see a lot of me in my kids.. So I have made it a point to talk to them about good and bad touch as soon I felt they could understand it.. helped them understand concent and their rights over their bodies.. Yes they were followed by loads of questions and I have answered them to the best of my capabilities.. because if I don’t, they may find other sources that may not be trustworthy.. We have fixed safe adults at different places when I or my husband are not there.. like in our apartment, at a relatives place, at school, etc , whom they can approach if needed. We have open conversations when they wish to talk.. And I have put my older one in martial arts training so that his reflexes are quick and he can help himself better… Once I feel my younger one is ready I will put her into it too.. when someone touches them and they don’t feel comfortable, I make it a point to tell that person to respect it then and there ( whoever that may be).

I feel a strong urge to help others too.. I have warned parents when I felt their kids were in proximity of those evil eyes that I had encountered.. When I have not been able to warn them for various reasons I have written about this topic and shared it on forums because I know they read what I write and it may help.. if someone approaches me to talk about it I have lent a patient ear.. and in one case have put them in touch with a professional help because they needed more help.

Because some issues have multilayered effects.. When I heal let me take few more in the path..

Managing varied capabilities and time

So his art was was due last month for submission.. and he has a zillion interests and limited time.. he gets carried away into the depths of whatever he starts off or carried away by something totally off topic.. So his art work never got done.. and I have been behind him reminding him for days..

Reminding did not seem to work so got involved in his daily schedule making.. he has nothing called a schedule so I have been behind his life to work on a schedule for him all by himself.. so he has started making a schedule.. but hasn’t been successful in finishing things on it but atleast a few things have got done.. we are reviewing every morning and at the end of the day.. it is making him a little conscious of time.. so some pending stuffs are off this list finally..

Capability without the ability to execute doesn’t seem to reach anywhere.. loads of hobbies are not seeing day light due to lack of time.. and if even a little thing in it was not a subject of his interest it ended up not being done.. like in the art it wasn’t an animal based art so there was zero motivation to do.. but it’s school assignment and had to be done.. so we are working on pooling in some effort towards things that have to been done though it may not be of his interest.. because everything in life may not be of our area of interest always but we need some self motivation to get it done..

We have been taking about what is the duty of every role based on Bhagavat Gita as he loves reading and understanding it.. and linking those to his duty as a student, son, brother and citizen of the world.. it seems to work.. let’s see how it progresses..

I let the Child lead

I often face this statement / judgement that I have fed too much into my child’s head.. I push them to learn loads.. but in reality I let them learn what they wanted and in their own ways..

My younger one would say that she wants to paint the whole day.. I don’t stop her but when she picks up a book and asks me to teach I don’t stop her whatever it be..

With my older one too that’s how I started.. I did not go by the level 1 ,2,3.. of books.. I just kept an array of books at reachable level from when he was able to walk.. I just used to sit and read for few minutes in front of him.. never insisted him to sit down.. He started sitting in a corner with a random book, go through the pictures and place it back.. then slowly he started being picky about books.. the encyclopaedias where his first choice.. mostly animal based book.. then slowly he started asking me to read out what was written.. We started with encyclopaedias and not alphabets or small word books.. I always kept a variety of books.. for a long time he was picky but now he reads any printed matter.. from small stories to fiction to history.. his favourite teacher at school is the librerian 😂.. and yes the teachers appreciate his vast knowledge and reading habit.. He has been an independent reader from 5 years of age..

It’s working the same way with the younger one.. she started learning to cook from 2years of age.. she would always sit next to me and make rotis, cut veggies as she loved doing it..her choice of books are different though but she leads and is already a good reader at 6 years..

Letting the child lead in what they want to learn is crucial.. I call this “Child led learning ” .. these take time but once the child is ready they proceed very comfortably and fast…

So what they have learnt till now is based on their interests and according to their pace.. nothing was force fed..

Today it’s a Thief ant..

Younger one stealthily goes into the room where older one is attending online class.. hurriedly whispers something into his ears before I get hold of her.. that’s the end of his attention in class.. 🤦🤷

They both spend the rest of the afternoon and evening in ant 🐜 research! Thankfully they (ants) all went to sleep at night.. she had seen a huge ant colony in action and decided to get more information through big brother ( she know which switch to press to get the right kind of work done🤷) ! He found that more interesting as this was a “once in a lifetime opportunity” to see an ant moving it’s colony along with the queens and larvae.. I spent reminding him to attend the rest of the classes, finish class work, home work and other stuff..

Today it was because of the ants, yesterday it was because of the earthworms, one day because of ladybug and so on.. when they get into something it’s always on the extreme end.. the rest of the world is forgotten.. and pending work just adds on.. but I don’t give up too.. let’s see if I manage to keep them on track..

A different angle..

One day dear husband lost his cool when dear son was observing ants for hours while he had lots of home work left to do.. they had a heated argument.. I let things settle and asked my son, ” you want to climb Himalayas but you are fishing in Kanyakumari without starting your journey.. how will you reach Himalayas at the earliest possible time?” He smiled and said, “why should I reach at the earliest? Can’t I enjoy fishing in Kanyakumari, the beach in Mahabalipuram, the forests on the way and the zillion sunset and sunrise on the way and reach at my own pace?”

I wanted to prove my point.. I reminded him of the hare and tortoise race on how consistency will help him win.. but he said ” Amma the hare enjoyed a breezy day under the tree.. had a happy nap and filled his life with fun.. the tortoise did nothing except slogging his way to the finish line.. what’s the use? My goals are different ma.. but every one seems to be rushing to some common goal.. I just want to learn about everything around me .. the books don’t teach me all that.. “

Point to ponder over.. why should we be in the race.. why should we have common goals.. why should everyone take the same path.. It’s tough for him and us as we don’t belong to the crowd but everything is custom made for the crowd.. breaking the norms and threading at our own pace is tough.. trying to ignore the push is tough.. trying to find a mid path is tough.. but we will some how do it.. not knowing how the future is going to be, we are just trying our best..

Is empathy a skill or inborn quality?

My older one would think a hundred times to even squish a cockroach.. if a dragon fly broke it’s wings he would cry for it.. if he found a dead dog on the road he will not sleep for days.. if a tree is cut : the consequences are even more sever..he is soaked in empathy for nature..

But only when another human is in immense pain he understands their pain.. otherwise it has to be pointed out to him.. he has to be explained to about how different their situations could be from his.. constant reminders have to be put to think before talking.. he has to be convinced to give allowances before concluding.. yes his little anger towards humanity for being unfair to nature is also a cause..

I have thought I could never make him empathetic towards other humans.. I don’t wish for a brainer and monetarily successful child but a peaceful and happy one.. I have been pointing out to him in all creative ways using stories, pretend situations, play and art to see from other person’s perspective.. I have been saying along with my kids from when they have been talking that “we are happy, peaceful and empathetic people” before we go to bed every day.. I wasn’t sure if this would yield results but I have been doing it with full heart.. along with the family cuddling before bed..

Something surprising happened yesterday.. my younger one has the habit of tying threads, ribbons and ropes across different places at home during play.. we have been constantly telling her to remove them after play but she always forgets.. there have been mild accidents too because of it.. yesterday I tripped in one such tied rope at night after dinner while doing something in a dark room.. my head hit the corner of the door frame on wall and I sprained my ankle.. in pain I screamed out at my younger one and her dad got angry at her too and yelled at her.. she was shaken and started crying of shock.. big brother immediately jumped out of his work and hugged her and kissed her.. he kept rubbing her back till she was calmer.. I held back husband’s hand and waited to see what was going on.. he told us sternly,” I know what she did was wrong but what you guys did was wrong too!” And he told her “hug amma you will feel better.. rub her head gently.. it’s swollen..” he brought an ice pack for my ankle.. this has never happened in these 10 years..

He was sensibly empathetic and sensitive to everyone.. one more goal of hope for mom.. 😊.. the little joys of motherhood.. and yes ofcourse me and hubby discussed it at night with amazement! Nothing is permanent..

Learning from the unknown faces!

#lifewithgifted #learning #pandemic #lifeinlockdown #giftedkids #education #vituallearning #virtualclasses #tasksforgifted

The pandemic lockdown has been a blessing of sorts.. this is the first year that we have stayed back home for the summer.. usually we stay at grandparents place or go on vacation to explore places according to kids line of interests and our garden doesn’t get enough care but this year we are around.. and we learnt a lot from unknown faces across the globe with out travelling..

I gave my 10 year old 4 tasks based on his interests- learn something related to zoology, something related to gardening, something to improve his spiritual health and some hand work.. I gave him a budget and told him to look for online classes for the first 3.. he came up with few choices and we opted for what suits us the best among them.. he felt more in control of his life which he had been fighting for but he was still under our guidance.. he went on do a course with a zoo, then a gardening course, a Bhagawat Gita class and started on his new quilt( with me).. as he had a little more left in his budget he took up a coding class too..

This venture has been pretty successful as he finished 4 of the 5 tasks that he took up and our garden is lush green.. we have had a decent harvest and it radiates a lot of positive vibrations.. he feels a lot happier and is able to manage his time better.. he has gone ahead to become a member in a virtual gardening group, getting help and rendering help too. They don’t know that they are talking to a kid but look up to him for advice. He is loving the process as to answer them he is learning more.. I have met several road blocks in many classes as they found his age to be a barrier.. though he is mentally far ahead he was not included due to age.. but that barrier has been broken in the virtual community.. he finds the virtual community for learning to be comfortable as he can walk in and out when he pleases.. he has his moods.. yes there have been days of tantrums where he would ask for exotic seeds but then the spiritual discourses have helped him calm down and think if he really needs them.. to fulfill the course with the zoo he went ahead to make comic strips, posters and stories for the assignments as they did not restrict him with regular testing at the end of the course.. as for the hand sewing.. he is still learning slowly to work patiently.. and coding class was completed too..

Overall we have had beautiful time learning to learn in a new way.. and house is more calm, smelling good with the harvests..

I see myself in them

#lifewithgifted #giftedness #solitude #hobbies #mentalhealth #understanding

There are many aspects of me that I see in my kids.. after all I was one of their gene carriers.. but they are strong willed like their father and that showcases their abilities in a better way..

When I see them struggle with over thinking or when they struggle to move with their peers I see my struggles too.. when they visualise differently and no one understands them I see my own struggles.. when they have multiple interests that just transports them to a different world I see myself.. when they are good at so many things effortlessly but have no interest or intentions to build on all of that I see myself.. I see myself in their fears and tears..

I had struggled a lot as a child to mingle with others as I found very few points of contacts.. I love my own company and solitude… When I look back at what helped me walk through my difficult situations and accept myself, I see one big habit shinning like sun among the other stars.. hobbies

Whenever I wanted to retreat into my cocoon.. whenever I wanted to collect myself.. whenever I wanted to accept myself.. whenever I wanted to cry but couldn’t.. whenever I wanted to end it all.. whenever I felt unheard and unwanted.. whenever I found it difficult to explain myself.. my hobbies helped me explore all the dimensions and think and express better.. they gave me that place to replenish.. that space to feel better.. that place to just be myself.. that place to become invisible.. that place to get involved.. that place to rest and relax.. that place to feel some success and achievement of conquering something.. they helped feel worthy.. I don’t have one but multiple hobbies.. so I get to dwell in more therapeutic places..

As I see myself in my kids I help them build a lot of hobbies.. worlds that they can enjoy their own company in.. though we need to socialize, we need to love solitude too..

Giftedness comes in different packages

#lifewithgifted #giftedkids #overthinking #sensitiveness #fears #polesapart #communication #abilities

I made two leaves with the same colour pencils but they turned out to be very different from each other.. they had some things in common but looked so different.. pretty similar to my kids..

While everyone was able to see my older one was very distinct and different from others, it’s difficult to do see for my younger one.. she doesn’t express her capabilities outside easily.. while my older one easily talks to any stranger, he is an introvert when you get to know him on the long run.. my younger one though she hardly opens up to people till she is comfortable, she loves socializing .. my older one would cry for even a bug’s death, my younger one will happily disconnect anyone she feels is not up to her standards..

I thought I could identify a gifted child easily by my experiences with my older one and easily connect to the parents of those kids but my younger one gave me several surprises.. she shows me how different they can be.. she started speaking well before the age of one just like her brother and by two she was able to explain well to someone who asked her the difference between a river and beach.. her understanding was beautiful in many aspects.. her fine motor skills were amazing.. she was able to visualise and create structures and drawings that her age kids couldn’t understand..she is a great cook from the age of two but her school teachers have never experienced these.. they know her as a gentle, hesitant child who is easy to handle.. they call her the goat among the lions.. while at home she is the opposite.. she knows what she wants and is fully aware of what she does.. I asked her “why don’t you be like this at school?” She told me “there is a place for everything!” She makes her own decisions and stands by them even as a toddler.. she pulls up art videos and learns and brings out her own version of them.. she says ” I don’t have to copy when I know to create!” My older one is considered short tempered and arrogant but he is far more gentle..he just doesn’t know how to hold on and think and say..

My older one would confide everything in me but this lady is very secretive.. it takes a lot of effort to know what’s going on in her mind and even if she tells me I can’t be sure if I have got it all.. she is strong willed ..

While my older one is of the fermented food type my younger one is a fastfood type.. i.e older one loves to do everything at slow pace as if the world would wait for him.. the younger one doesn’t rest till she finishes what’s given as if the world is going to end..

Their fears are very different, they are overthinkers of different kind, they have some unique sensitivity of different kinds, their abilities to learn are very high but in different fields, their abilities to visualise are different, their ways of communication are different, their abilities to carry themselves are different, their abilities to socialize are different.. on the whole I have learnt that giftedness comes in different packages..

Part 3- Big B -the very reason to start the blog

#life #gifted #lifewithgifted #multitasking #genius #innovator #creator #pain #lifelessons #understanding #emotions

Learnings from his life..

When the child has high intelligence and capacity the child’s interests and attention is focused on the subject that they love.. everything else is trivial to the child.. if we can’t understand the intensity of the passion towards learning more we should atleast not give a negative energy..

1.be extremely forgiving as they need that trusted shoulder when they are up against a world that considers them a misfit..

2.be a guide and show them more outlets for the simmering emotions ..

3.throw several ropes from various areas of interests and they will catch hold of what they need and climb up by themselves..

4. Lower down your expectations

5. Developing a spiritual and friendly relationship with God is good for overall mental health.

6. Our education system doesn’t have enough variety to Carter to the variety of students.. the system and teachers need updation .. teachers have to know more about psychology of children and have to handle their needs appropriately