Part 3- Big B -the very reason to start the blog

#life #gifted #lifewithgifted #multitasking #genius #innovator #creator #pain #lifelessons #understanding #emotions

Learnings from his life..

When the child has high intelligence and capacity the child’s interests and attention is focused on the subject that they love.. everything else is trivial to the child.. if we can’t understand the intensity of the passion towards learning more we should atleast not give a negative energy..

1.be extremely forgiving as they need that trusted shoulder when they are up against a world that considers them a misfit..

2.be a guide and show them more outlets for the simmering emotions ..

3.throw several ropes from various areas of interests and they will catch hold of what they need and climb up by themselves..

4. Lower down your expectations

5. Developing a spiritual and friendly relationship with God is good for overall mental health.

6. Our education system doesn’t have enough variety to Carter to the variety of students.. the system and teachers need updation .. teachers have to know more about psychology of children and have to handle their needs appropriately

Part 2- Big B -the very reason to start the blog

(photos and artwork on my blog are my own)

#life #gifted #lifewithgifted #multitasking #genius #innovator #creator #pain #lifelessons #understanding #emotions

A post by him on social media years back just popped up on my page.. drew me into good and bad memories..

Big B was the big brother from another womb.. my neighbour in childhood.. he always amazed me with his abilities.. I would see him jaw dropped through the day.. he could fix phones to cars even as a kid in 1990s when computers were just making an entry into India.. he built an audio editing system from scratch at home as a teenager.. but his teachers did not find him interesting.. he was called a looser, mad kid and treated badly by teachers at school.. he had let all the emotions simmer inside without telling his parents’ too.. he was kicked out of a prestigious school and it impacted his mental health.. the pressure was building without anyone’s knowledge..he was home schooled but he was still a difficult kid to handle for many.. I never understood why but now I know why.. with many struggles and limited friends he completed his 12 the grade.. but he was already an inventor by then.. he was an extremely caring neighbour and brother to me and my brother who were mostly alone when my parents went out to work.. he introduced me to books.. he would help me with my projects that involved computers.. he would always keep a watch on us.. he was leading the graphics team of a famous media company and did graphics for TV and films.. his abilities were recognised and he went on to study in the USA.. great names came calling but his health had taken a beating.. He came back home when he knew that he was suffering from an auto immunity disorder with no cure and had just 5 more years to live though he was just in his 20s.. even with health issues he went on to innovate with his trade mark smile and wit.. he bet his odds both mentally and physically to live for 7 more years.. I was not aware of the magnitude of his illness and we were continuing our friendship on social media.. when I had my second child he wanted to meet me.. but good things come to an end and his life ended prematurely.. I feel guilty to this day for not meeting him before he died..

His life had a lesson for everyone involved in it.. the world understands those with average and below average IQ better than those with high IQs.. do we give the intellectually superior the needed understanding? How many times we have branded them as egoistic and proud? Are we as a society accomodating them ? Or are we expecting them to accomodate themselves to us from the beginning? Are we understanding them emotionally?

I think I can pay back to him only if I bring up my kids, understanding the critical aspects than the popular aspects.. whenever my older one shows me little inventions of his, I am reminded of only one face.. when ever I see him struggle emotionally because the society doesn’t understand I get the very same memories.. I will share the lessons from his life with everyone.. because people like these can make the world a better place if only we accept and understand them..

Part 1- Big B -the very reason to start the blog

#gifted #genius #life #lifewithgifted #highIQ #inventor #creator #multitasking

He ran multiple businesses including short film making, collaborating with dancers to create A/V storytelling, vendor for audio and visual equipments ( wholesaler for LG audio video products), sole vendor / servicer for battery cars (client TCS), Chennai cultural academy secretary, Founder of gurudhawani ( organization to teach performing arts over internet, started planning activities for constructing a world class auditorium cum shopping complex that will sustain itself and nurture artist with the proceeds from activities of the complex itself.. to name a few.. He came with innovative ideas to solve problems that faced him until his death bed.. for his shoot when he needed a railed platform, instead of spending lakhs of rupees to get the platform from market created one himself with garden hose, skater wheels and wooden plank. When a huge corporation (tcs) spent crores of rupees to construct a stadium in their premise they found out that acoustically the arena was very bad and could not hold events.. professional architects and sound engineers proposed repairs for another crore + money.. he instead suspended the speakers on kevlar threads from the truss above to the right spot to get rid of the echoes.. cost was few thousands..

He founded a company in NY with his brother… created lifestyle products which are revolutionary even in todays standards.. many of them yet to come to market even by the like of Apple (on his digital distribution of digitised products), mattel to y maker (for his innovation of bringing video game like activity to the physical world for kids), water fountain installations that will give 3d reproduction of anybody’s face when they look at the camera using water fountain.. the list goes on and all before he was even 35.. his friends used to call him Einstein..

But what happened to such an innovator, creator and an exemplary embodiment of genius ? Read in the next part..

Rights and responsibilities- sex education

With fun rights comes responsibility (pictures are my own)

After reading a news paper article by a female journalist stating that men have failed women over a recent controversy, my 10 year old was very angry.. He said ” can’t she see there are good men.. how can she say that with the example of few bad ones?” I know that he knows more about mating through the animal encyclopaedias that he reads.. I have had several curious questions about it often.. I realised if I don’t give the clear guidance in this stage he may get misguided by someone else.. I thought over how to make him understand in his own terms.. and nature provided a beautiful opportunity.. He was watching a series on some animal channel about a bear’s life.. the muma bear was struggling to raise the cubs all by herself.. she could not go out to find food often and she was still nursing the cubs.. her weight was going down drastically.. when she and her cubs started venturing out of the cave the male bears would often try to mate and she chased off most of them.. but one day a male was too powerful and threatened to kill her cubs.. so to save her cubs she had to succumb.. he did not like it one bit.. he started saying ” amma this is not fair.. the male is not going to help her but wants to mate and let her take the responsibility of taking forward his genes.. ” I just grabbed the opportunity.. I asked him “which mating is better this or the male bird getting the nest ready and taking care of the mother and chicks?” He instantly said the birds way.. then I went on, ” in humans too both kind of mating happen.. when something like the bear’s kind happens then automatically the females feel someone could have helped.. when others don’t help then they feel angry.. no male bear takes responsibility or stops what happens.. it’s like isolation and forced and is disrespectful ..but like in the birds if both parents are ready to take responsibility then that is guilt free and better and there is mutual respect.. the babies grow happily and the parents are also happy.” I could see he got the point.. my mom had not encountered such situations so I have to find my own ways.. and curiosity is excess it better be guided in the right path..

Teach your child to avoid toxic relationships and the fun of solitude too..

Let them know to enjoy both.. ( all pictures are my own)

As my son always had minimal friends he and me used to really try holding on to the few he had.. because I was told socialization is very important.. there was this kid few years older to mine.. my son found him to be interesting and this kid allowed him to play with him too.. so we held on to him.. I would get small gifts and make treats for him too.. slowly as their relationship progressed this child started verbally abusing.. when my child complained I told mine, “may be he was having a bad day just forget it” ,” step into his shoe and see”,” may be he is going through a rough patch” and yes his family was going through tough times.. but one day my child came home all dirty and with shoe sole marks on face.. I first washed him up and asked the extremely upset child but he would not tell me.. after a few hugs in silence he told me his friend had beaten him up but he also said ” amma may be he is going through tough times”.. red lights started showing up in my brain but I did not know how to handle it.. I thought through a lot and felt I was telling my child to live in a toxic situation just because he hardly had friends.. I took time to rehearse what I wanted to say and then spoke to my baby ,” see he may be going through a though time but that doesn’t give him any right to inflict damage on anyone.. he can’t transfer his anger on someone else.. just because he is the only friend you have it doesn’t mean you are not good.. we can have loads of fun exploring things by ourselves too.. the next time he calls you to play I give the choice to go or not to go.. but if you choose to go, the moment he starts behaving bad tell him you have work and come back.. don’t let him persuade you.. let him know you don’t approve of his behaviour.. play close by so that if you need help you can give a shout out to me.. got it?” I know he felt a lot safer and he did go to play after a few days but followed what I said.. and slowly I saw him wean off from that friendship as he realised he wasn’t happy in it.. he is learning with every friend.. he is learning to love solitude too.. #gifted #life #lifewithgifted

How did I realise my first one my was way ahead of his age?

#giftedkids #gifted #life #lifewithgifted #highIQ

(Pictures are my own contact me for any issues with the pictures)

For every mother her kids as special and precious.. there is a saying in Tamil “kaakai ku than kunju pon kunju” – for a crow her kids are golden chicks.. Many a times I had brushed aside my observations of my first chick saying this but the traits stared glaringly.. by 4 months of age he used to respond to anything that I said no to by giggling and doing it.. he really had fun doing them.. he responded to his father’s absence during his travels by licking his photos even at 5 months.. by 7 months he could repeat few words randomly when people uttered them during conversations.. by 9 months he could say several words identifying objects or his needs like water etc. But he sat at 9 months only and walked at 13 months.. but he could say words like ‘ Chimpanzi’ ‘orangutan’ clearly by 13 months.. not just clear enough for his mom to understand but even for an absolute stranger to understand.. I have got odd stares at grocery stores when a tiny baby was talking clearly using bigger words.. by 18 months he could talk grammatically proper sentences with adults.. if he couldn’t say a word clearly then he would go and sit in a corner and practice it till he got it right.. he would proceed to play only after that.. I would put a lot of books in front of him to choose and he always kept aside the alphabet books.. animal books were his first choice.. so he didn’t learn alphabets till 3.5 years though many kids learn it much earlier.. but he would ask me to read out encyclopaedias when at book stores.. he understood them and would ask doubts too.. his pre school teachers found him very different too.. the very first day the English teacher came searching for me to ask how his English is so good.. I was advised to reduce book time and make him play a lot with his age group.. which was very difficult as no kid understood what he spoke.. he prefered the bigger kids but they considered him too tiny to be part of their groups.. I knew my kid was different in many aspects but I had to prove it to others to clear up many things.. I wasn’t forcing him to learn.. he chose what he wanted to learn.. his curiosity literally killed him.. he has had surgeries and hospitalizations because of it despite me being vigilant.. so when the school counselor advised an IQ test I went ahead.. many understood what I way trying to say only after that.. but many did not understand what it is to deal with a gifted child..

I look for the moon

#giftedkids #gifted #life #lifewithgifted

I always look for the moon as it help see the paths ahead.. in the lone clueless nights they show me the different paths ahead of me.. I get to choose what I want with slow well thought of decisions.. it is not like the sun.. it reflects what it has learnt from life.. the Sun throws too much of light everywhere causing mirage and confusion.. when I see the sun I get confused with the abundant options that I make hasty decisions not understanding that there is a mirage and not water on the path.. but the moon lets me take one step at a time.. it lets me process and mature before the next.. and I can’t blame the moon as decision was entirely mine…

Yes I am looking for more moons to show me more options in life.. if you think you have been in the road that I travel and want to be a moon, you are most welcome.. if you are looking for a moon we can look for it together..

I can be reached at lifewithgifted@gmail.com

Indecisiveness and decisions..

I am just building my fortress not knowing how it will turn out

#giftedkids #gifted #life #lifewithgifted #highIQ

There are many a times I have to struggle with decisions.. and later look back at them and think ‘why did I make this decision?’ with very little knowledge about future and what will work for my kids I just have to rely on my instinct.. I weigh the pros and cons and think about will I be able to handle the consequences of my decisions for my kids as they are too young to decide? No I don’t find support to my decisions easily as they don’t understand what is it to have gifted kids.. I write down the events that led to the decisions so that I can refer back when I doubt my decisions.. I constantly remind myself that I have to keep my options and mind open to make changes or scrap a decision when things don’t work out.. I try to see if my kids are happy at the end of the day.. if my decision has helped them in the long run.. I try to weigh the other factors less.. my decisions may not be popular and easier but I hold responsibility for it.. I tell myself often that what worked for one may not work for the other… Writing down helps me refocus.. and when my kids grow up they will get to read what situations led to some decisions..

Journey to failure to understand getting up matters..

giftedkids #gifted #life #lifewithgifted #highIQ

One day I got a call from his school teacher just after the school time.. anxiously I picked up the call.. the teacher told me to ask him what happened at school today after he comes home..

I asked him after he refreshed about day at school and he was not comfortable.. after a hug he told me, “amma today in language test I went blank and did not know what to write for a question.. I told the teacher that I will refer to the book just to remember the key word and she said no.. ” I asked him if what he did was right and it’s ok to write an answer wrong or not write an answer but he told me, “how can I ? I know that I know the answer.. I can’t fail.. it will be humiliating to fail.. but the teacher told me to write the test another day with today’s absentees” I told him to prepare well this time and thank the teacher for giving another chance..

As I thought through the happenings I realised he had hardly faced failure even in little things in life.. he just had to try once sometimes with help and sometimes without help to do anything.. he could get most things 75% well without effort.. while most children had to practice to get that.. those kids did face failure at least little by little and learnt to try more.. he never had to try more.. a little effort and his learning was done.. then it struck me that kids learn by watching adults.. did he see us fail? NO! Here I was wearing the super mom tag trying to show how brilliantly I handle so many things.. I never showcased my failure.. It did not help anyone.. my frustrations were also pilling up.. I decided to shed that image.. I started showing him how plan A, B,C.. never worked .. it was plan N or sometimes plan Z that worked and I had to adapt to it.. sometimes none worked.. it helped me to responsibly channelize my frustrations and learnings as I know he is watching and learning.. I let him see that I fall many times but I get up and get going.. I can see the difference.. he tries after initial frustrations now.. and the teacher had been understanding that though he knew , the thought of doing something wrong disturbed him.. he needed that understanding..

For many Gifted I learnt frustration is the major issue.. trying again and again becomes difficult.. because they don’t know what failure is in childhood..

Let me know your thoughts..

Because no one talks for them

Sometimes I wonder about the very tiny population in the world almost less than 5% .. they don’t open their mouth much.. dont share their experiences much.. because the world thinks they have all that is needed so what’s there to even complain or feel drained out about? and what do they have ? kids with high IQ i.e Gifted kids.. IQ that seems to be something that many want their kids to improve some how and reach that spot on top.. but have you ever heard from Einstein’s mother or his wife Maliva Einstein Maric’s mother or Annapurna Devi’s mom or Chanakya’s mother or any renowned genius’s mother, how it was to bring up these people? how mentally exhausting it was? I have deliberately chosen these names as even though they had the common factor of great IQ they had different EQ and SQ.. they were different characters altogether…. how did other adults around them react when these people were kids? how did other kids react when these people were kids? the world looses a majority of benefits we can reep from the ones with higher capabilities because they are snubbed and damaged when they are still kids.. though we celebrate the achievements of these people once they achieve we forget those who could be like them when they are around us as kids.. no, high IQ doesn’t mean high scores in exams! no, high IQ doesn’t mean charming personality! No , high IQ doesn’t mean they will be able to manage any garbage thrown at them wonderfully.. it means that they are mentally growing way too faster than their chronological age.. their capabilities are far higher than what is expected for that age.. their ideas are new, out of the box and sometimes unacceptable.. perfection is a relative term… they strive for perfection that they understand and the world can’t..
the earthworm, cow,mountain goat , crow and eagle get to see the world in totally different perspectives due to the altitude.. that doesn’t mean any of them are lesser or better than the other but they will not be able to understand the perspective of the other.. each one has an ability.. and if that ability is utilised perfectly life can be made beautifully harmonious..
only their mothers know the difficulty in that life.. but the difference with IQ is the mother may not have the same IQ.. she may not have the needed awarness.. she may not understand the other perspective.. we are gaining better awarness about the average and lower IQs but there is very less known about the higher..it makes life for that child very difficult.. the life of that mother difficult.. even if the mother is able to understand and helps the child she is at odds with the world around.. she keeps mum because she doesn’t know if her child will achieve anything big for others to atleast keep their opinions to themselves.. she keeps mum because she will be called a show off and her problems will be labelled as attention seeking.. how many child prodigies had mental issues in later stage.. how many child prodigies parents hid their child’s abilities due to fear.. very few were lucky.. these kids remain a misfit and struggle..
How many parents fight with schools when some children are given more to study, we have them among us right? even if the teachers understand that , the child needs more we get infuriated.. if the class proceeds a little slow for one child who is not able to catch up or if a child needs support class to catch up , we are kind of okay with the idea.. but not the other way around.. why? because our ego hurts?
a classic example from times just gone by.. Mr. CR .. theater, politics, law , movies, journalism… O my God! to learn about him you need a lifetime.. effortlessly brilliant.. there is a new hidden meaning to discover in his works every single time.. multi talented.. but many of us hate him because we don’t understand what he was saying.. he never got what was due..do you think the adults wouldn’t have been offended by his knowledge when he was a child? how difficult it would have been for his mom to catch up with life? she would have silently borne a lot.. he had strange habits and was extremely stubborn.. his anger was not understood.. how did his mother manage? she may not have spoken her heart out to anyone as no one would have understood.. we do know Edison’s mom had to face a lot from the society but we just paint the picture that a mother always has to and wind it up.. the emotional needs of these kids and their parents need to be understood too.. isn’t bringing up a child who is aging mentally faster an altogether different challenge?
just think over it..