I let the Child lead

I often face this statement / judgement that I have fed too much into my child’s head.. I push them to learn loads.. but in reality I let them learn what they wanted and in their own ways..

My younger one would say that she wants to paint the whole day.. I don’t stop her but when she picks up a book and asks me to teach I don’t stop her whatever it be..

With my older one too that’s how I started.. I did not go by the level 1 ,2,3.. of books.. I just kept an array of books at reachable level from when he was able to walk.. I just used to sit and read for few minutes in front of him.. never insisted him to sit down.. He started sitting in a corner with a random book, go through the pictures and place it back.. then slowly he started being picky about books.. the encyclopaedias where his first choice.. mostly animal based book.. then slowly he started asking me to read out what was written.. We started with encyclopaedias and not alphabets or small word books.. I always kept a variety of books.. for a long time he was picky but now he reads any printed matter.. from small stories to fiction to history.. his favourite teacher at school is the librerian 😂.. and yes the teachers appreciate his vast knowledge and reading habit.. He has been an independent reader from 5 years of age..

It’s working the same way with the younger one.. she started learning to cook from 2years of age.. she would always sit next to me and make rotis, cut veggies as she loved doing it..her choice of books are different though but she leads and is already a good reader at 6 years..

Letting the child lead in what they want to learn is crucial.. I call this “Child led learning ” .. these take time but once the child is ready they proceed very comfortably and fast…

So what they have learnt till now is based on their interests and according to their pace.. nothing was force fed..

Today it’s a Thief ant..

Younger one stealthily goes into the room where older one is attending online class.. hurriedly whispers something into his ears before I get hold of her.. that’s the end of his attention in class.. 🤦🤷

They both spend the rest of the afternoon and evening in ant 🐜 research! Thankfully they (ants) all went to sleep at night.. she had seen a huge ant colony in action and decided to get more information through big brother ( she know which switch to press to get the right kind of work done🤷) ! He found that more interesting as this was a “once in a lifetime opportunity” to see an ant moving it’s colony along with the queens and larvae.. I spent reminding him to attend the rest of the classes, finish class work, home work and other stuff..

Today it was because of the ants, yesterday it was because of the earthworms, one day because of ladybug and so on.. when they get into something it’s always on the extreme end.. the rest of the world is forgotten.. and pending work just adds on.. but I don’t give up too.. let’s see if I manage to keep them on track..

A different angle..

One day dear husband lost his cool when dear son was observing ants for hours while he had lots of home work left to do.. they had a heated argument.. I let things settle and asked my son, ” you want to climb Himalayas but you are fishing in Kanyakumari without starting your journey.. how will you reach Himalayas at the earliest possible time?” He smiled and said, “why should I reach at the earliest? Can’t I enjoy fishing in Kanyakumari, the beach in Mahabalipuram, the forests on the way and the zillion sunset and sunrise on the way and reach at my own pace?”

I wanted to prove my point.. I reminded him of the hare and tortoise race on how consistency will help him win.. but he said ” Amma the hare enjoyed a breezy day under the tree.. had a happy nap and filled his life with fun.. the tortoise did nothing except slogging his way to the finish line.. what’s the use? My goals are different ma.. but every one seems to be rushing to some common goal.. I just want to learn about everything around me .. the books don’t teach me all that.. “

Point to ponder over.. why should we be in the race.. why should we have common goals.. why should everyone take the same path.. It’s tough for him and us as we don’t belong to the crowd but everything is custom made for the crowd.. breaking the norms and threading at our own pace is tough.. trying to ignore the push is tough.. trying to find a mid path is tough.. but we will some how do it.. not knowing how the future is going to be, we are just trying our best..

The family konjal!

Whatever happens.. however it happens.. it doesn’t matter.. at the end of the day before saying the night Slokas we do family konjal! I.e we do family cuddling.. (konjal is Tamil)

We decide to forgive and forget everything every night before bed.. all we try to remember is that we love each other beyond everything and will be beside each other inspite of everything..

It helps my gifted kids a lot to remove the burden of self blaming or inferiority complex or insecurity.. they know what ever they do we will still love them.. and we believe whatever we do they will learn to love us.. all of us are learning.. we are learning to parent and they are learning to live.. together we are learning life..

There are days when tears trickle down when we hug.. the day has been intense.. to know that you are still loved is calming.. to know you are still accepted is soothing.. to know you can be yourself is assuring..

It’s tough to let go and hug with whole heart but when we do we can see how much we need it more than them..

It also helps my kids see that in a family it is ok to hug or kiss and there is nothing wrong in showing your partner or parents your love without inhibitions … It’s great to express love.. it’s great to let go.. it’s great to remember to start afresh before you go to bed..

It gives more hope for tomorrow..

Rights and responsibilities- sex education

With fun rights comes responsibility (pictures are my own)

After reading a news paper article by a female journalist stating that men have failed women over a recent controversy, my 10 year old was very angry.. He said ” can’t she see there are good men.. how can she say that with the example of few bad ones?” I know that he knows more about mating through the animal encyclopaedias that he reads.. I have had several curious questions about it often.. I realised if I don’t give the clear guidance in this stage he may get misguided by someone else.. I thought over how to make him understand in his own terms.. and nature provided a beautiful opportunity.. He was watching a series on some animal channel about a bear’s life.. the muma bear was struggling to raise the cubs all by herself.. she could not go out to find food often and she was still nursing the cubs.. her weight was going down drastically.. when she and her cubs started venturing out of the cave the male bears would often try to mate and she chased off most of them.. but one day a male was too powerful and threatened to kill her cubs.. so to save her cubs she had to succumb.. he did not like it one bit.. he started saying ” amma this is not fair.. the male is not going to help her but wants to mate and let her take the responsibility of taking forward his genes.. ” I just grabbed the opportunity.. I asked him “which mating is better this or the male bird getting the nest ready and taking care of the mother and chicks?” He instantly said the birds way.. then I went on, ” in humans too both kind of mating happen.. when something like the bear’s kind happens then automatically the females feel someone could have helped.. when others don’t help then they feel angry.. no male bear takes responsibility or stops what happens.. it’s like isolation and forced and is disrespectful ..but like in the birds if both parents are ready to take responsibility then that is guilt free and better and there is mutual respect.. the babies grow happily and the parents are also happy.” I could see he got the point.. my mom had not encountered such situations so I have to find my own ways.. and curiosity is excess it better be guided in the right path..

Teach your child to avoid toxic relationships and the fun of solitude too..

Let them know to enjoy both.. ( all pictures are my own)

As my son always had minimal friends he and me used to really try holding on to the few he had.. because I was told socialization is very important.. there was this kid few years older to mine.. my son found him to be interesting and this kid allowed him to play with him too.. so we held on to him.. I would get small gifts and make treats for him too.. slowly as their relationship progressed this child started verbally abusing.. when my child complained I told mine, “may be he was having a bad day just forget it” ,” step into his shoe and see”,” may be he is going through a rough patch” and yes his family was going through tough times.. but one day my child came home all dirty and with shoe sole marks on face.. I first washed him up and asked the extremely upset child but he would not tell me.. after a few hugs in silence he told me his friend had beaten him up but he also said ” amma may be he is going through tough times”.. red lights started showing up in my brain but I did not know how to handle it.. I thought through a lot and felt I was telling my child to live in a toxic situation just because he hardly had friends.. I took time to rehearse what I wanted to say and then spoke to my baby ,” see he may be going through a though time but that doesn’t give him any right to inflict damage on anyone.. he can’t transfer his anger on someone else.. just because he is the only friend you have it doesn’t mean you are not good.. we can have loads of fun exploring things by ourselves too.. the next time he calls you to play I give the choice to go or not to go.. but if you choose to go, the moment he starts behaving bad tell him you have work and come back.. don’t let him persuade you.. let him know you don’t approve of his behaviour.. play close by so that if you need help you can give a shout out to me.. got it?” I know he felt a lot safer and he did go to play after a few days but followed what I said.. and slowly I saw him wean off from that friendship as he realised he wasn’t happy in it.. he is learning with every friend.. he is learning to love solitude too.. #gifted #life #lifewithgifted