Fears known and unknown..

Things that cause fear to others don’t cause fear to mine and the things that don’t cause fear to others cause fear to mine.. why? Probably because of difference in interests and the ability to overthink..

There are fears that they can’t even describe.. it’s a vague concept.. but keeps them awake through nights or puts them into loads of crying..

Probably they see what I don’t but I have to help them as they are still little kids.. art is therapy and fun.. it can fill the gaps in communication easily.. I find it to be a better key to open many doors.. so on one halloween I decided to pull up a concept of “eat your fears” .. we made a list and decided to work on reducing items from the list.. Kids made out figures of their fears in the wheat dough and we made rotis and we ate them off.. daily we list the fears before bed and say we will face these bravely.. though they have not disappeared from the list they don’t keep us awake at night.. slowly I hope they disappear from our list..

The child psychology understands art better than adult.. when fun and assurance become part of it they seem to accept the need for change with lesser resistance..

Easy?

#lifewithgifted #giftedkids #coping #hope #faith #life #challenges #sensitivity

There are days I want to just quit.. and stay away from everything.. I know handling our life and of others is tough for everyone but how can I explain how tough mine is?

There is lot of mental work leading to mental and physical exhaustion.. there are days when I can do no more..

While handling the overthinking, overwhelming, over enthusiasm, over frustration, overflow of anger and fear, over ability.. ‘over’ of everything.. it’s really tough..

providing reassurance again and again peacefully is tough.. maintaining sanity while pulling out references to explain the same thing is tough.. knowing that they know and understand more than you yet they need assistance is tough.. knowing and understanding that you are handling someone growing up mentally faster is tough.. satisfying their high urge to learn more and more is tough.. understanding and living with the fact that it’s tough to blend yet you have to make them blend is tough.. putting up with constantly mocking people, of lesser understanding about your situation is tough..

Being the the sole shoulder to cry on, hand to hold on to, guide, mentor, friend, healer… Is tough..

How suddenly I get woken up in the middle of the night by the tiny hands crying for help as their excessive sensitivity is making them over think and over react.. responding to them requires a lot of diligence and diplomacy… I have to educate myself to help them better.. it’s tough.. I have cried out many a times but …

But I have to take a deep breath and go on . God has provided me these gifts as he knew I can.. and I will.. I rejuvenate myself often with lots of little things to keep going… I look at the tiny far away stars on no moon days to tell myself there is light though far way.. I have to be balanced to nurture these gifted that I have received as gifts.. Hope, trust and faith…

The need to be calm from inside

#lifewithgifted #higerIQ #emotions #innerpeace #spiritualhealth #giftedkids #hope

Many at times I see my kids struggling to understand and express their emotions.. especially my older one.. he is very sensitive to nature including plants and bugs.. he feels pain when he hears or gets to see even the slightest damage.. the anger, frustration and highly charged state of mind are difficult to handle.. he thinks after he talks and ends up feeling guilty.. things go out control soon.. emotional intensity is more..

I have been trying to calm him with whatever material I get to read to him.. but this time I gave the responsibility to him.. I asked him to find his way to a good spiritual health.. provided him some options and he choose a Bhagawat Gita discourse.. as he chose it he had higher sense of responsibility to attend it everyday.. with every discourse I saw him digging deeper and understanding better.. yes there were days when he found so many faults within him and wept.. but then he understood that learning from mistakes are important and no one can be perfect.. he is able to find the actual cause for his anger.. he is able to forgive more easily than before.. he doesn’t harbour the guilt.. he is able to breathe better through his frustrations.. he is more calm as a person now.. he is trying to think and talk.. he has more respect for all.. he is finding a God who is his friend to confide in and not a power to fear of.. he has hope that God will hold his fingers through tough times and listen to him.. he has hope that God will shop him the path through someone when needed.. he has started beliving that ‘ whatever happens happens for good’ . There is a long way to go but the change has began in a constructive way..

Whatever may be the religion a strong belief in the creator helps.. the gifted need it more to calm themselves and accept themselves..

I see myself in them

#lifewithgifted #giftedness #solitude #hobbies #mentalhealth #understanding

There are many aspects of me that I see in my kids.. after all I was one of their gene carriers.. but they are strong willed like their father and that showcases their abilities in a better way..

When I see them struggle with over thinking or when they struggle to move with their peers I see my struggles too.. when they visualise differently and no one understands them I see my own struggles.. when they have multiple interests that just transports them to a different world I see myself.. when they are good at so many things effortlessly but have no interest or intentions to build on all of that I see myself.. I see myself in their fears and tears..

I had struggled a lot as a child to mingle with others as I found very few points of contacts.. I love my own company and solitude… When I look back at what helped me walk through my difficult situations and accept myself, I see one big habit shinning like sun among the other stars.. hobbies

Whenever I wanted to retreat into my cocoon.. whenever I wanted to collect myself.. whenever I wanted to accept myself.. whenever I wanted to cry but couldn’t.. whenever I wanted to end it all.. whenever I felt unheard and unwanted.. whenever I found it difficult to explain myself.. my hobbies helped me explore all the dimensions and think and express better.. they gave me that place to replenish.. that space to feel better.. that place to just be myself.. that place to become invisible.. that place to get involved.. that place to rest and relax.. that place to feel some success and achievement of conquering something.. they helped feel worthy.. I don’t have one but multiple hobbies.. so I get to dwell in more therapeutic places..

As I see myself in my kids I help them build a lot of hobbies.. worlds that they can enjoy their own company in.. though we need to socialize, we need to love solitude too..

Giftedness comes in different packages

#lifewithgifted #giftedkids #overthinking #sensitiveness #fears #polesapart #communication #abilities

I made two leaves with the same colour pencils but they turned out to be very different from each other.. they had some things in common but looked so different.. pretty similar to my kids..

While everyone was able to see my older one was very distinct and different from others, it’s difficult to do see for my younger one.. she doesn’t express her capabilities outside easily.. while my older one easily talks to any stranger, he is an introvert when you get to know him on the long run.. my younger one though she hardly opens up to people till she is comfortable, she loves socializing .. my older one would cry for even a bug’s death, my younger one will happily disconnect anyone she feels is not up to her standards..

I thought I could identify a gifted child easily by my experiences with my older one and easily connect to the parents of those kids but my younger one gave me several surprises.. she shows me how different they can be.. she started speaking well before the age of one just like her brother and by two she was able to explain well to someone who asked her the difference between a river and beach.. her understanding was beautiful in many aspects.. her fine motor skills were amazing.. she was able to visualise and create structures and drawings that her age kids couldn’t understand..she is a great cook from the age of two but her school teachers have never experienced these.. they know her as a gentle, hesitant child who is easy to handle.. they call her the goat among the lions.. while at home she is the opposite.. she knows what she wants and is fully aware of what she does.. I asked her “why don’t you be like this at school?” She told me “there is a place for everything!” She makes her own decisions and stands by them even as a toddler.. she pulls up art videos and learns and brings out her own version of them.. she says ” I don’t have to copy when I know to create!” My older one is considered short tempered and arrogant but he is far more gentle..he just doesn’t know how to hold on and think and say..

My older one would confide everything in me but this lady is very secretive.. it takes a lot of effort to know what’s going on in her mind and even if she tells me I can’t be sure if I have got it all.. she is strong willed ..

While my older one is of the fermented food type my younger one is a fastfood type.. i.e older one loves to do everything at slow pace as if the world would wait for him.. the younger one doesn’t rest till she finishes what’s given as if the world is going to end..

Their fears are very different, they are overthinkers of different kind, they have some unique sensitivity of different kinds, their abilities to learn are very high but in different fields, their abilities to visualise are different, their ways of communication are different, their abilities to carry themselves are different, their abilities to socialize are different.. on the whole I have learnt that giftedness comes in different packages..

Part 2- Big B -the very reason to start the blog

(photos and artwork on my blog are my own)

#life #gifted #lifewithgifted #multitasking #genius #innovator #creator #pain #lifelessons #understanding #emotions

A post by him on social media years back just popped up on my page.. drew me into good and bad memories..

Big B was the big brother from another womb.. my neighbour in childhood.. he always amazed me with his abilities.. I would see him jaw dropped through the day.. he could fix phones to cars even as a kid in 1990s when computers were just making an entry into India.. he built an audio editing system from scratch at home as a teenager.. but his teachers did not find him interesting.. he was called a looser, mad kid and treated badly by teachers at school.. he had let all the emotions simmer inside without telling his parents’ too.. he was kicked out of a prestigious school and it impacted his mental health.. the pressure was building without anyone’s knowledge..he was home schooled but he was still a difficult kid to handle for many.. I never understood why but now I know why.. with many struggles and limited friends he completed his 12 the grade.. but he was already an inventor by then.. he was an extremely caring neighbour and brother to me and my brother who were mostly alone when my parents went out to work.. he introduced me to books.. he would help me with my projects that involved computers.. he would always keep a watch on us.. he was leading the graphics team of a famous media company and did graphics for TV and films.. his abilities were recognised and he went on to study in the USA.. great names came calling but his health had taken a beating.. He came back home when he knew that he was suffering from an auto immunity disorder with no cure and had just 5 more years to live though he was just in his 20s.. even with health issues he went on to innovate with his trade mark smile and wit.. he bet his odds both mentally and physically to live for 7 more years.. I was not aware of the magnitude of his illness and we were continuing our friendship on social media.. when I had my second child he wanted to meet me.. but good things come to an end and his life ended prematurely.. I feel guilty to this day for not meeting him before he died..

His life had a lesson for everyone involved in it.. the world understands those with average and below average IQ better than those with high IQs.. do we give the intellectually superior the needed understanding? How many times we have branded them as egoistic and proud? Are we as a society accomodating them ? Or are we expecting them to accomodate themselves to us from the beginning? Are we understanding them emotionally?

I think I can pay back to him only if I bring up my kids, understanding the critical aspects than the popular aspects.. whenever my older one shows me little inventions of his, I am reminded of only one face.. when ever I see him struggle emotionally because the society doesn’t understand I get the very same memories.. I will share the lessons from his life with everyone.. because people like these can make the world a better place if only we accept and understand them..

Part 1- Big B -the very reason to start the blog

#gifted #genius #life #lifewithgifted #highIQ #inventor #creator #multitasking

He ran multiple businesses including short film making, collaborating with dancers to create A/V storytelling, vendor for audio and visual equipments ( wholesaler for LG audio video products), sole vendor / servicer for battery cars (client TCS), Chennai cultural academy secretary, Founder of gurudhawani ( organization to teach performing arts over internet, started planning activities for constructing a world class auditorium cum shopping complex that will sustain itself and nurture artist with the proceeds from activities of the complex itself.. to name a few.. He came with innovative ideas to solve problems that faced him until his death bed.. for his shoot when he needed a railed platform, instead of spending lakhs of rupees to get the platform from market created one himself with garden hose, skater wheels and wooden plank. When a huge corporation (tcs) spent crores of rupees to construct a stadium in their premise they found out that acoustically the arena was very bad and could not hold events.. professional architects and sound engineers proposed repairs for another crore + money.. he instead suspended the speakers on kevlar threads from the truss above to the right spot to get rid of the echoes.. cost was few thousands..

He founded a company in NY with his brother… created lifestyle products which are revolutionary even in todays standards.. many of them yet to come to market even by the like of Apple (on his digital distribution of digitised products), mattel to y maker (for his innovation of bringing video game like activity to the physical world for kids), water fountain installations that will give 3d reproduction of anybody’s face when they look at the camera using water fountain.. the list goes on and all before he was even 35.. his friends used to call him Einstein..

But what happened to such an innovator, creator and an exemplary embodiment of genius ? Read in the next part..

Teach your child to avoid toxic relationships and the fun of solitude too..

Let them know to enjoy both.. ( all pictures are my own)

As my son always had minimal friends he and me used to really try holding on to the few he had.. because I was told socialization is very important.. there was this kid few years older to mine.. my son found him to be interesting and this kid allowed him to play with him too.. so we held on to him.. I would get small gifts and make treats for him too.. slowly as their relationship progressed this child started verbally abusing.. when my child complained I told mine, “may be he was having a bad day just forget it” ,” step into his shoe and see”,” may be he is going through a rough patch” and yes his family was going through tough times.. but one day my child came home all dirty and with shoe sole marks on face.. I first washed him up and asked the extremely upset child but he would not tell me.. after a few hugs in silence he told me his friend had beaten him up but he also said ” amma may be he is going through tough times”.. red lights started showing up in my brain but I did not know how to handle it.. I thought through a lot and felt I was telling my child to live in a toxic situation just because he hardly had friends.. I took time to rehearse what I wanted to say and then spoke to my baby ,” see he may be going through a though time but that doesn’t give him any right to inflict damage on anyone.. he can’t transfer his anger on someone else.. just because he is the only friend you have it doesn’t mean you are not good.. we can have loads of fun exploring things by ourselves too.. the next time he calls you to play I give the choice to go or not to go.. but if you choose to go, the moment he starts behaving bad tell him you have work and come back.. don’t let him persuade you.. let him know you don’t approve of his behaviour.. play close by so that if you need help you can give a shout out to me.. got it?” I know he felt a lot safer and he did go to play after a few days but followed what I said.. and slowly I saw him wean off from that friendship as he realised he wasn’t happy in it.. he is learning with every friend.. he is learning to love solitude too.. #gifted #life #lifewithgifted

I look for the moon

#giftedkids #gifted #life #lifewithgifted

I always look for the moon as it help see the paths ahead.. in the lone clueless nights they show me the different paths ahead of me.. I get to choose what I want with slow well thought of decisions.. it is not like the sun.. it reflects what it has learnt from life.. the Sun throws too much of light everywhere causing mirage and confusion.. when I see the sun I get confused with the abundant options that I make hasty decisions not understanding that there is a mirage and not water on the path.. but the moon lets me take one step at a time.. it lets me process and mature before the next.. and I can’t blame the moon as decision was entirely mine…

Yes I am looking for more moons to show me more options in life.. if you think you have been in the road that I travel and want to be a moon, you are most welcome.. if you are looking for a moon we can look for it together..

I can be reached at lifewithgifted@gmail.com

Indecisiveness and decisions..

I am just building my fortress not knowing how it will turn out

#giftedkids #gifted #life #lifewithgifted #highIQ

There are many a times I have to struggle with decisions.. and later look back at them and think ‘why did I make this decision?’ with very little knowledge about future and what will work for my kids I just have to rely on my instinct.. I weigh the pros and cons and think about will I be able to handle the consequences of my decisions for my kids as they are too young to decide? No I don’t find support to my decisions easily as they don’t understand what is it to have gifted kids.. I write down the events that led to the decisions so that I can refer back when I doubt my decisions.. I constantly remind myself that I have to keep my options and mind open to make changes or scrap a decision when things don’t work out.. I try to see if my kids are happy at the end of the day.. if my decision has helped them in the long run.. I try to weigh the other factors less.. my decisions may not be popular and easier but I hold responsibility for it.. I tell myself often that what worked for one may not work for the other… Writing down helps me refocus.. and when my kids grow up they will get to read what situations led to some decisions..