Refills!

Another crying session, imagining things to go out of control by younger one.. from morning everything is triggering her.. she feels like just crying is what she says.. it’s not just crying.. it’s wailing , screaming , finding flaunts with everything.. her brother isn’t able to put it up any further so he starts getting agitated.. I sit beside her in the room holding her hand till she feels she can move on.. I know, tomorrow may not be like this.. it may be an extremely happy day for no reason or just be a continuation of this.. I try to avoid both going out of control by keeping them away, as it’s even more stressful for me to handle.. Neither am I screaming nor am I participating in it.. but I feel extremely tired both mentally and physically. May be I am passing on my energy to recharge them and getting depleted. May have many spiritual explanations but I had to find a way to cope soon.

This is a regular happening. I know they will find a way to handle themselves soon but I am concerned about my exhaustion as my quantity time is needed and I need to be able to be present often. I was wondering what I could do to recharge myself often and quickly.. I may need to do it several times a day.. Art is a therapy. Art is my career but I keep some part of it only for my hobby.. like embroidery. I have been using it as a meditative and affirmative work to forgive my past. But I found that I did not seem to have the motivation to do it often especially with larger pieces of works. I could see I had higher motivation levels when I had to do it for my work. Designing products and miniatures excite me a lot….hmmm. So I tried a small piece of miniature embroidery, and tried to make something out of it. Tadaa! It was quick and I found it very interesting. Then I started listing down whatever can be done at that size using embroidery. It’s quick and works as my refill! So now I have set up a small corner where my embroidery stuff hang around full time. Whenever I feel exhausted, I steal away a few minutes, do a few stitches and by the end of the day I have completed 1 tiny piece atleast. It actually makes me feel good to see the end result soon.

I feel so good doing tiny projects that I have now got a bottle to store them and the bottle is getting filled up soon with tiny pieces in different colours. I haven’t turned them all into final products but the fact that I can do loads of productive things with it, is motivating me. And it’s spilt into tiny shots now and then which is keeping up my tempo.. a large piece of art just made and saved did not seem to motivate me. I found the right combo for my refill drink for now! Not sure of future !! As long as it works I will keep drinking it!

Can’t transfer from an empty cup to anyone else!!

Have you found your zen refills and combos??

That Difficult Child!

Dear parents and teachers,

There will be that one difficult child in your class and life like me, who despite having immense potential in various things, would spend loads of time dreaming, questioning everything ( may seem as though they are born to only question!) , totally in love with learning but not showing it in the grades that are expected.. may look as though they never read the questions on the paper before answering despite knowing so much.. trying and experimenting despite knowing that its dangerous because the fun of trying something new, overrides all logic.. when the world wants something out of every bit of learning that’s done but that child just learns because its fun to learn.. doing the same stuff that everyone does seems safe and normal to others but to that child it’s absolutely boring and they can’t bring themselves to the fact that they have to do it everyday.. finding ways that may seem to be defying rule books but actually another interpretation of the same rules is their life.. that child who seems to understand the high concepts of the cosmos but not the basic, regular, normal instructions.. who seems like a sage one moment and a toddler still in their terrible two’s the other.. it may seem like they are wasting all that they have and not becoming the already set safe examples..

But let me assure you that they will become something that will become an example for others.. just like how I did though not in the timelines that the world expects.. you just read, Robert Frost’s poetry of ” The road not taken” to them but they live it.. they will find their own “something” that is not defined yet.. they will convert what looks like a day dream into reality.. they will add more to the list of “jobs that define the future”.. they will find more career paths.. they will find vocations that are both satisfying to soul and society..

Just be there.. give your support and love.. just create a safe place.. just listen.. they will find solutions to all their unique problems by themselves.. accept that we don’t know or have solutions to all problems.. never ever trim their wings.. make sure, you help them learn about themselves and life and not feel guilty for who they are.. just because they have high learning abilities it doesn’t mean their needs are less and their life’s are easy.. the asynchrony is very difficult to live with, even at higher ends.. to an extent that the rest of the normal world can’t understand.. when you don’t understand atleast don’t judge.. give them memories that will make them feel safe and loved.

by an ex – “that difficult child”

2 roads diverge in an yellow wood and I sit inbetween!

So someone was telling me how lucky and stress free my life is, as I have gifted kids. She went on, “they will understand everything and be cautious and understanding. Even during fevers you must be having a smooth run..” I can only think ,”how can people imagine whatever they want and comment however they want ??🙄🤔”

While one would recreate the climax scene of Rajesh Khanna’s Anandh movie saying ,” amma I don’t want to die, please save me” for a small blood clot, googling all the symptoms and convincing himself that he has the most dreadful combination of diseases. Other one would go into complete denial even when running a 104F temperature ( yes you heard me right) and refuse medication, controlling all her symptoms and saying that I am conspiring against her.. 🤷🤦🙄🤯🤯

He is a classic example of Brownian movement. His scientist’s brain will be so at work that he will be lost in his experiments with all living and non living stuff that he will not even know if he hit himself against anything leading to blood clots or the contamination that happens because of all the handlings. I will have to switch off the WiFi modem, hide all the gadgets that have their own data connections so as to avoid all the “googling the symptoms” and he anyways will hit a 103F for even the mildest normal fever in the beginning itself. He is strong willed in doing what he wishes and is convinced about. 🤷

She on the other hand is an extremely strong willed person who will do what she wishes only and refuses suggestions and advices( btw I am talking about a 6 year old from her birth). Has a mind of her own. If she wishes to not showcase her pain she will do it effectively. Her body will not show fever until it’s really extreme. Even then she will go on denial mode and keep doing whatever she wished to do even if it means extremely high temperature. Refusing any help and medication. 🤷🤦. The conspiracy theories allegations that she puts up against us are pretty interesting!Strong willed women are what I love until I have to bring up one! 🙄.

My pediatrician dreads our visits! When both fall sick together or in succession I feel like getting myself admitted in hospital! I make sure to keep them both in 2 different bedrooms! Having 2 active volcanoes beside each other is not great you see🤷! Dukh me sumiran sab karen! ( Everybody remembers in sad times) I do the sumiran of the architect of this house who designed the bedrooms just opposite to each other with hall-dinning area in between, my in laws for choosing this compact house when my husband wanted to buy a house, where the kitchen is so within reach, this area where the hospital is just across the road.. see what all I thank God for.. I spend most of the time in the hall between the rooms. At nights if husband is in town he will babysit one while I the other else again I will put the pillow inbetween the rooms and shuttle as required. Most of my time goes in making them see the mid-path.. I save up my energy to keep myself in good health and keep saying “just keep swimming, just keep swimming” like Dori of Nemo. I eat without guilt whenever time permits just making sure it’s all healthy stuff because anyways my kids will take care of burning the calories!!

Did I tell you about the promises? They will tell me they have learnt their lessons and will be cautious and understanding hence forth, thanking me for being kind, when the fever is at peak.. but once normal they are back to square one, with all experiments on suff like teaching the frogs to race, feeding ants to dragonfly , digging poops of different creatures.. and what not.. the tamil saying goes “kudichaven petchu vidinjaa pochu” a drunkard’s promise is gone at sunrise.. I just nod when they promise hoping they soon build their immunity..

Just because kids are gifted doesn’t mean easy life.. I have just shown you 2 combinations of characters. There are more permutations and combinations with the gifted. My heart goes out to every parent of the gifted who know what a commitment it is to have these kids.. others will not know and will not understand..