The art of fermentation!

I made the idli batter in the morning.. it is fermenting.. the smell is heavenly after almost 8 hrs.. if I let it ferment too much then it gets that sour smell and becomes a hard idli when I make one.. if I don’t wait for fermentation it’s not that fluffy, soft Idli.. The fermentation is an art.. not too much not too less.. just right.. some get it by instinct and some need to learn.. result is a soft, fluffy and healthy idli known for its amazing benefits…

The same goes with waiting for your opportunities too.. I learnt it by experience.. figuring out the right time to grab the opportunity is an art.. and I am trying to help my children learn it.. my older has no patience to wait while my younger one waits too much that she looses her opportunities.. showing the optimum state .. the Goldie locks period is a challenge.. citing examples.. analysing situations of past.. pretend play.. I am trying it all..

Why so much effort? Because because thinking once or twice before execution improves the process.. Because great ideas need the right time and right place to become useful inventions.. Because great things need time to become greater.. Because it reduces damages and wastage of time on mending things that could have been avoided.. Because you can compete with yourself and get better.. Because there is always a room for improvement..

Change needs time..

“He is too sharp..” “he cuts like knife..”” it’s because of you that he is like this…” “Children learn from parents so the cause is you..”” what’s the use of his brain he is going to die alone” “you will struggle when he grows up because you are making him rude..”

I have been hearing these for a very long time after becoming a parent.. I have felt the burden of guilt too heavy to even see any hope for myself in life.. I hardly get into groups, being an introvert myself I have struggled to talk to people.. I prefer communication by writing or messages than a direct one on one talk.. I don’t know diplomacy.. the guilty feeling that I wasn’t being a good example being cause for ruining my child was killing me.. I tried my best but no one belives me.. every time I hear a remark I feel more heavy.. I feel like a looser.. a failure.. I stick to my art – my world my saviour.. the rhythmic motion of my machine feels like a lullaby..as my machine sews puting together ripped useless scraps to form something beautiful, unique and soothing I feel I can.. I regain the bits of me scattered around and put them back but in a different format.. I rework my thoughts.. my processes..

I start again with my ritual of pretend play.. bringing his attention to what soothed him a situation or in a conversation.. reinforcing positive affirmations daily night.. that family cuddling to tell him and me that whatever it be we are there for each other..

And today I saw a ray of hope again.. he was engaged in an online group conversation with his class mates over making a presentation.. he very consciously helped his friends improve on their ideas.. he appreciated them as he led them.. he made sure it was a group effort and not just his.. his voice though loud as usual was having a different tone.. it had reassurance, kindness and was slow paced.. he wasn’t talking hurriedly but thinking and talking.. they finished their work on time..I was noticing all this while hand sewing in another room..

Yes I am their mother and first teacher.. my instincts don’t give up easily.. though my hands are working I notice these changes in my kid silently.. I appreciated him gently in front of the younger one as she needs to see these examples.. I need not start all over from scratch with her.. and yes I shed a few tears of happiness silently.. he will not die alone as predicted by some.. that’s more than enough for me.. when he is an adult people may not know about the metamorphosis but I know it took time, effort, patience, belief and love..

Is empathy a skill or inborn quality?

My older one would think a hundred times to even squish a cockroach.. if a dragon fly broke it’s wings he would cry for it.. if he found a dead dog on the road he will not sleep for days.. if a tree is cut : the consequences are even more sever..he is soaked in empathy for nature..

But only when another human is in immense pain he understands their pain.. otherwise it has to be pointed out to him.. he has to be explained to about how different their situations could be from his.. constant reminders have to be put to think before talking.. he has to be convinced to give allowances before concluding.. yes his little anger towards humanity for being unfair to nature is also a cause..

I have thought I could never make him empathetic towards other humans.. I don’t wish for a brainer and monetarily successful child but a peaceful and happy one.. I have been pointing out to him in all creative ways using stories, pretend situations, play and art to see from other person’s perspective.. I have been saying along with my kids from when they have been talking that “we are happy, peaceful and empathetic people” before we go to bed every day.. I wasn’t sure if this would yield results but I have been doing it with full heart.. along with the family cuddling before bed..

Something surprising happened yesterday.. my younger one has the habit of tying threads, ribbons and ropes across different places at home during play.. we have been constantly telling her to remove them after play but she always forgets.. there have been mild accidents too because of it.. yesterday I tripped in one such tied rope at night after dinner while doing something in a dark room.. my head hit the corner of the door frame on wall and I sprained my ankle.. in pain I screamed out at my younger one and her dad got angry at her too and yelled at her.. she was shaken and started crying of shock.. big brother immediately jumped out of his work and hugged her and kissed her.. he kept rubbing her back till she was calmer.. I held back husband’s hand and waited to see what was going on.. he told us sternly,” I know what she did was wrong but what you guys did was wrong too!” And he told her “hug amma you will feel better.. rub her head gently.. it’s swollen..” he brought an ice pack for my ankle.. this has never happened in these 10 years..

He was sensibly empathetic and sensitive to everyone.. one more goal of hope for mom.. 😊.. the little joys of motherhood.. and yes ofcourse me and hubby discussed it at night with amazement! Nothing is permanent..

Mindfulness and activities for gifted kids

Small bags and pouches by my 10 year old

I had a tough day.. what ever I did I couldn’t control the outbursts of emotions.. I tried to maintain calm and explain, hugged, tried to play , watch something together on tv, read together but every few minutes they were charged and charging over each other for trivial things.. the noise level was too high.. crying happened for most part of the day.. I did not know what to do..

I just took up my sewing kit and theirs.. placed everything on the sewing table and started off on my mindful rhythmic sewing patterns.. few minutes later both were sitting beside me sewing their stuff.. all of a sudden the whole house was calm and peaceful..

I collect scrap fabrics from my projects into a bin.. I use them to teach them quilting.. I let them plan their lay out and choose fabrics.. then hand sew.. no deadlines.. no pressure.. just some rhythmic motion based on their ideas..

It improves hand-eye coordination, calms the brain, converts their energies into something positive.. improves appreciation for hand work.. boosts self confidence and self belief.. I insist on converting the small patches they make into products of their use.. it improves self worth to look at what you make with your hands being of good use.. choosing a design and colour coordination helps in decision making.. it is a way to express feelings.. it’s a mode to communicate..

They enjoy the process.. perfection is not the aim but perseverance is.. it’s a life skill too.. with no gender barriers.. helps navigate through emotions.. better than a regular boring handwriting book to train the hands..